1776.*
-----
THE CRITIC.
I HAD a fellow as my guest,
Not
knowing he was such a pest,
And gave him just my usual fare;
He ate his fill of what was there,
And for desert my best things swallow'd,
Soon as his meal was o'er, what follow'd?
Led by the Deuce, to a neighbour he went,
And talk'd of my food to his heart's content:
"The soup might surely have had more spice,
The meat was ill-brown'd, and the wine wasn't nice."
A thousand curses
alight on his head!
'Tis a
critic, I vow! Let the dog be struck dead!
1776.*
-----
THE DILETTANTE AND THE CRITIC.
A BOY a
pigeon once possess'd,
In gay and
brilliantplumage dress'd;
He loved it well, and in
boyish sport
Its food to take from his mouth he taught,
And in his
pigeon he took such pride,
That his joy to others he needs must confide.
An aged fox near the place chanc'd to dwell,
Talkative, clever, and
learned as well;
The boy his society used to prize,
Hearing with pleasure his wonders and lies.
"My friend the fox my
pigeon must see
He ran, and stretch'd 'mongst the bushes lay he
"Look, fox, at my
pigeon, my
pigeon so fair!
His equal I'm sure thou hast look'd upon ne'er!"
"Let's see!"--The boy gave it.--"'Tis really not bad;
And yet, it is far from complete, I must add.
The feathers, for,
instance, how short! 'Tis absurd!"
So he set to work
straightway to pluck the poor bird.
The boy screamed.--"Thou must now stronger pinions supply,
Or else 'twill be ugly,
unable to fly."--
Soon 'twas stripp'd--oh, the villain!--and torn all to pieces.
The boy was heart-broken,--and so my tale ceases.
* * * *
He who sees in the boy shadow'd forth his own case,
Should be on his guard 'gainst the fox's whole race.
1776.*
-----
THE WRANGLER.
ONE day a shameless and impudent wight
Went into a shop full of steel wares bright,
Arranged with art upon ev'ry shelf.
He fancied they were all meant for himself;
And so, while the patient owner stood by,
The shining goods needs must handle and try,
And valued,--for how should a fool better know?--
The bad things high, and the good ones low,
And all with an easy self-satisfied face;
Then, having bought nothing, he left the place.
The
tradesman now felt
sorely vex'd,
So when the fellow went there next,
A lock of steel made quite red hot.
The other cried upon the spot:
"Such wares as these, who'd ever buy?
the steel is tarnish'd shamefully,"--
Then pull'd it, like a fool about,
But soon set up a piteous shout.
"Pray what's the matter?" the shopman spoke;
The other scream'd: "Faith, a very cool joke!"
1815.*
-----
THE YELPERS.
OUR rides in all directions bend,
For business or for pleasure,
Yet yelpings on our steps attend,
And barkings without measure.
The dog that in our
stable dwells,
After our heels is striding,
And all the while his noisy yells
But show that we are riding.
1815.*
-----
THE STORK'S VOCATION.
THE stork who worms and frogs devours
That in our ponds reside,
Why should he dwell on high church-towers,
With which he's not allied?
Incessantly he chatters there,
And gives our ears no rest;
But neither old nor young can dare
To drive him from his nest.
I
humbly ask it,--how can he
Give of his title proof,
Save by his happy tendency
To soil the church's roof?
-----
CELEBRITY.
[A
satire on his own Sorrows of Werther.]
ON
bridges small and
bridges great
Stands Nepomucks in ev'ry state,
Of
bronze, wood, painted, or of stone,
Some small as dolls, some giants grown;
Each passer must
worship before Nepomuck,
Who to die on a
bridge chanced to have the ill luck,
When once a man with head and ears
A saint in people's eyes appears,
Or has been sentenced piteously
Beneath the hangman's hand to die,
He's as a noted person prized,
In
portrait is immortalized.
Engravings, woodcuts, are supplied,
And through the world spread far and wide.
Upon them all is seen his name,
And ev'ry one admits his claim;
Even the image of the Lord
Is not with greater zeal ador'd.
Strange fancy of the human race!
Half
sinner frail, half child of grace
We see HERR WERTHER of the story
In all the pomp of woodcut glory.
His worth is first made duly known,
By having his sad features shown
At ev'ry fair the country round;
In ev'ry alehouse too they're found.
His stick is
pointed by each dunce
"The ball would reach his brain at once!"
And each says, o'er his beer and bread:
"Thank Heav'n that 'tis not we are dead!"
1815.*
-----
PLAYING AT PRIESTS.
WITHIN a town where parity
According to old form we see,--
That is to say, where Catholic
And Protestant no quarrels pick,
And where, as in his father's day,
Each
worships God in his own way,
We Luth'ran children used to dwell,
By songs and sermons taught as well.
The Catholic clingclang in truth
Sounded more
pleasing to our youth,
For all that we encounter'd there,
To us seem'd
varied,
joyous, fair.
As children, monkeys, and mankind
To ape each other are inclin'd,
We soon, the time to while away,
A game at priests
resolved to play.
Their aprons all our sisters lent
For copes, which gave us great content;
And handkerchiefs, embroider'd o'er,
Instead of stoles we also wore;
Gold paper,
whereon beasts were traced,
The bishop's brow as mitre graced.
Through house and garden thus in state
We strutted early, strutted late,
Repeating with all proper unction,
Incessantly each holy function.
The best was
wanting to the game;
We knew that a sonorous ring
Was here a most important thing;
But Fortune to our
rescue came,
For on the ground a
halter lay;
We were
delighted, and at once
Made it a bellrope for the nonce,
And kept it moving all the day;
In turns each sister and each brother
Acted as sexton to another;
All help'd to swell the
joyous throng;
The whole proceeded swimmingly,
And since no
actual bell had we,
We all in
chorus sang, Ding dong!
* * * * *
Our guileless child's-sport long was hush'd
In memory's tomb, like some old lay;
And yet across my mind it rush'd
With pristine force the other day.
The New-Poetic Catholics
In ev'ry point its aptness fix!
1815.*
-----
SONGS.
SONGS are like painted window-panes!
In darkness wrapp'd the church remains,
If from the market-place we view it;
Thus sees the ignoramus through it.
No wonder that he deems it tame,--
And all his life 'twill be the same.
But let us now inside repair,
And greet the holy Chapel there!
At once the whole seems clear and bright,
Each
ornament is bathed in light,
And
fraught with meaning to the sight.
God's children! thus your fortune prize,
Be edified, and feast your eyes!
1827.*
-----
POETRY.
GOD to his untaught children sent
Law, order, knowledge, art, from high,
And ev'ry heav'nly favour lent,
The world's hard lot to qualify.
They knew not how they should behave,
For all from Heav'n stark-naked came;
But Poetry their garments gave,