Over the past century, all kinds of unfairness and discrimination have been condemned or made illegal. But one insidious from continues to thrive: alphabetism. This, for those as yet unaware of such a disadvantage, refers to discrimination against those whose surnames begin with a letter in the lower half of the alphabet.

It has long been known that a taxi firm called AAAA cars has a big advantage over Zodiac cars when cusomers thumb though their phone directories. Less well known is the advantage that Adam Abbott has in life over Zoeuml; Zysman. English names are fairly evenly spread between the halves of the alphabet. Yet a suspiciously large number of top peiole have surnames beginning with letters between A and K.

Thus the American president and vice-president have surnames starting with B and C respectively; and 26 of George Bush's predecessors(including his father) had surnames in the first half of the alphabet against just 16 in the second half. Even more striking, six of the seven heads of government of the F7 rich countries are alphabetically anvantaged(Berlusconi, Blair, Bush, Chirac, Chretien and Koizumi). The words three top central bankers(Gates, Buffett, Allen Ellison and Albrecht ).



Can this merely be coincidence? One theory, dreamt up in all the spare time enjoued by the alphabetically disadvantaged, is that the rot sets in early. At the start of the first year in infant school, teachers seat pupils alphabetically from the front, to make it easier to remember their names. So short-sighted Zysman junior gets stuck in the back row, and is rarely asked the improving questions posed by those insensitive teachers. At the time the alphabetically disadvantaged may think they have had a lucky escape. Yet the result may be worse qualifications, because they get less individual attention, as well as less confidence in speakingpublicly.

The humiliation continues. At university graduation ceremonies, the ABCs proudly get their awards first; by the time they reach the Zysmans most people are literally having a ZZZ. Shortlists for job interviews, election ballot papers, lists of conference speakers and attendees: all tend to be drawn up alphabetically, and their recipients lose interest as they plough though them.
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