PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the
person so describing it.

PRUDE, n. A bawd hiding behind the back of her demeanor.
PUBLISH, n. In literary affairs, to become the fundamental element in

a cone of critics.
PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success,

especially in politics. The other is Pull.
PYRRHONISM, n. An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It

consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its
modern professors have added that.

Q
QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king,

and through whom it is ruled when there is not.
QUILL, n. An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly

wielded by an ass. This use of the quill is now obsolete, but its
modern equivalent, the steel pen, is wielded by the same everlasting

Presence.
QUIVER, n. A portablesheath in which the ancient statesman and the

aboriginal lawyer carried their lighter arguments.
He extracted from his quiver,

Did the controversial Roman,
An argument well fitted

To the question as submitted,
Then addressed it to the liver,

Of the unpersuaded foeman.
Oglum P. Boomp

QUIXOTIC, adj. Absurdly chivalric, like Don Quixote. An insight into
the beauty and excellence of this incomparableadjective is unhappily

denied to him who has the misfortune to know that the gentleman's name
is pronounced Ke-ho-tay.

When ignorance from out of our lives can banish
Philology, 'tis folly to know Spanish.

Juan Smith
QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to

have their own way and their own way of having it. In the United
States Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on

Finance and a messenger from the White House; in the House of
Representatives, of the Speaker and the devil.

QUOTATION, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
The words erroneously repeated.

Intent on making his quotation truer,
He sought the page infallible of Brewer,

Then made a solemn vow that we would be
Condemned eternally. Ah, me, ah, me!

Stumpo Gaker
QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging

to one person is contained in the pocket of another -- usually about
as many times as it can be got there.

R
RABBLE, n. In a republic, those who exercise a supreme authority

tempered by fraudulent elections. The rabble is like the sacred
Simurgh, of Arabian fable -- omnipotent on condition that it do

nothing. (The word is Aristocratese, and has no exact equivalent in
our tongue, but means, as nearly as may be, "soaring swine.")

RACK, n. An argumentative implementformerly much used in persuading
devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth. As a call to

the unconverted the rack never had any particular efficacy, and is now
held in light popular esteem.

RANK, n. Relative elevation in the scale of human worth.
He held at court a rank so high

That other noblemen asked why.
"Because," 'twas answered, "others lack

His skill to scratch the royal back."
Aramis Jukes

RANSOM, n. The purchase of that which neither belongs to the seller,
nor can belong to the buyer. The most unprofitable of investments.

RAPACITY, n. Providence without industry. The thrift of power.
RAREBIT, n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point

out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained
that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and

that _riz-de-veau a la financiere_ is not the smile of a calf prepared
after the recipe of a she banker.

RASCAL, n. A fool considered under another aspect.
RASCALITY, n. Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded

intellect.
RASH, adj. Insensible to the value of our advice.

"Now lay your bet with mine, nor let
These gamblers take your cash."

"Nay, this child makes no bet." "Great snakes!
How can you be so rash?"

Bootle P. Gish
RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation,

experience and reflection.
RATTLESNAKE, n. Our prostrate brother, _Homo ventrambulans_.

RAZOR, n. An instrument used by the Caucasian to enhance his beauty,
by the Mongolian to make a guy of himself, and by the Afro-American to

affirm his worth.
REACH, n. The radius of action of the human hand. The area within

which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly the
propensity to provide.

This is a truth, as old as the hills,
That life and experience teach:

The poor man suffers that keenest of ills,
An impediment of his reach.

G.J.
READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it

consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in "dialect" and
humor in slang.

We know by one's reading
His learning and breeding;

By what draws his laughter
We know his Hereafter.

Read nothing, laugh never --
The Sphinx was less clever!

Jupiter Muke
RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the

affairs of to-day.
RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ

that a scientist is a fool with.
RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get

away from where we are to wher we are no better off. For this purpose
the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits

him to make the transit with great expedition.
RAMSHACKLE, adj. Pertaining to a certain order of architecture,

otherwise known as the Normal American. Most of the public buildings
of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our

earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the
White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of

the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a
brick.

REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The
charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a

measuring-worm.
REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain

in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.
REALLY, adv. Apparently.

REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army
that is nearest to Congress.

REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.
REASON, n. Propensitate of prejudice.

REASONABLE, adj. Accessible to the infection of our own opinions.
Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion.

REBEL, n. A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish
it.

RECOLLECT, v. To recall with additions something not previously
known.

RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for
the purpose of digging up the dead.

RECONSIDER, v. To seek a justification for a decision already made.
RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded

to the player against whom they are loaded.