Episode 01.13 - Your Fault

Mary Alice on "desperate housewives"...

Bree: Were you with a woman?

George: He cheated on you. You said you were going to hate him forever.

Bree: You shouldn't listen to a woman who's just had her heart broken.

George: I don't care what we call it. I just want to be with you.

Bree: I don't think that would be wise.

Gabrielle: I'm the one who was sleeping with your son. But, Helen, it's over now.

Helen Rowland: It's not even close to being over.

Julie: I'm not sure I understand what you're saying.

Zach: I killed my baby sister.

[A car drives down Wisteria Lane. It pulls into Susan's driveway and we see that it's Susan. She looks over at Lynette's house, where Lynette is lecturing her boys on the front lawn.]

Lynette: "...okay, your 30 seconds is up now. Get back here, get back here, get back here. I want the toys picked up. How many times do I have to tell you, pick up your toys! You want a spanking? Is that what you want?"

(The boys shout back at her.)

Lynette: "Porter, don't you dare look at me like that. I will wipe that smirk right off your face. And don't think that I won't..."

(Lynette catches sight of Susan looking over at her and trails off.)

(Lynette smiles and gives Susan an embarrassed shrug. Susan gets her groceries out of her car and walks to her front door.)

(Flashback to a grinning Julie showing Susan her report card.)

Susan (squeals): "Oh, you did it again!"

(Flashback to Julie pulling a Christmas tree out of the front door to the end of the driveway after Christmas.)

(Julie sits on the curb, consoling the mailman, with mail strewn everywhere. Julie turns her head to look at Susan next to a turned over pink bicycle, with a letter caught in the spokes of the front wheel.)

(Susan looks in the window of the door and sees Zach and Julie kissing. She opens the door.)

Julie: "Mom!"

Susan: "What is going on here? Were you just kissing my daughter?"

Zach: "I...uh...a little."

Susan: "What are you thinking?"

Julie: "Mom, calm down."

Susan: "She's only fourteen!"

Zach: "Yeah, I should, I should probably be going."

Susan: "You think?"

(Susan hands Zach his glasses.)

Zach: "See you Friday."

(He leaves and Susan turns to Julie.)

Susan: "What is he talking about? What's happening on Friday?"

Julie: "He's taking me to the school dance."

Susan: "Oh, no he's not."

Julie: "Mom, I know you saw us kissing, but you've got to chill now."

Susan: "Don't tell me to chill, I have no intentions of chilling."

Julie: "Whatever. I'm taking out the trash."

Susan: "You're not going, you're going to stay here and talk about this."

Julie: "I'm not going to talk to you while you're freaking out."

Susan: "Just so we're clear, you are not allowed to see him anymore."

(Susan follows Julie outside, still arguing with her, as Julie walks to the trash can.)

Julie: "Fine!"

(She drops the trash on the ground next to the trash car and storms inside. Susan looks up and sees Lynette standing on her own lawn, watching.)

(Lynette tilts her head and gives a smile.)

Credits

[Outside Paul's House]

Mary Alice Voiceover: "Suburbia is a place filled with responsible people trying to live responsible lives."

(Paul is shown bringing in the trash, and then painting his fence.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: "Of course, even the most responsible among us, has mistakes in their past."

(Focus in on Gabrielle's house and Carlos inside, reading a magazine on the couch.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: "Mistakes they'd like to forget. Mistakes that sometimes come back to haunt them."

(Gabrielle walks by the couch holding an open peanut butter jar with a spoon in it, then hears a car door slam. She looks out the window and sees the parents of John walking towards her house.)

Gabrielle: "I'm gonna go get the mail."

(Gabrielle quickly walks out of the house carrying the peanut butter.)

Gabrielle: "Helen, uh, what are you doing here?"

Helen: "Hello, Gabrielle. I don't believe you've met my husband, Bob."

Gabrielle: "Hi! So nice to meet you."

(She reaches out to shake his hand, and then holds it and starts dragging him along away from the windows in her house.)

Bob Rowland: "Um, we, uh, came to talk to you about our son."

Gabrielle: "I haven't seen John in weeks. He's called and left messages, but I haven't returned any. It's over, I swear."

Helen Rowland: "We're not here about that. We need you to do something for us."

Gabrielle: "Oh, okay."

Bob Rowland: "John surprised us last night when he announced he was turning down his college scholarship."

Helen Rowland: "Instead, he's decided to expand his gardening business. Mow lawns full time."

Gabrielle: "Well, why, uh, why would he do that?"

Helen Rowland: "We don't know why. Do you think we'd be talking to you if we did?"

Bob Rowland: "You'll have to forgive my wife. She's still upset over the whole, um..."

Helen Rowland: "Statutory rape thing."

Bob Rowland: "Helen!"

Gabrielle: "What do you want me to do?"

Bob Rowland: "He's refusing to talk to us. If you could just convince him that he's making a big mistake..."

Gabrielle: "John and I made a clean break. I think it's best if we just keep our distance."

Bob Rowland: "Please. Last week he turned eighteen and moved out of the house. We're stuck."

Gabrielle: "I'm sorry. I, I'm so sorry, I just can't handle this right now. I have my own personal things going on. My life is falling apart."

Helen Rowland: "I don't care."

Bob Rowland: "Helen."

Helen Rowland: "We haven't gone to the police about what you did. That can easily change."

Gabrielle: "I'll see what I can do."

Helen Rowland: "Good."

(They start to leave. )

Bob Rowland: "So nice to meet you!"

(Gabrielle gives an automatic smile. Helen clears her throat and glares at Bob, who follows her.)

[Lynette's House]

(Lynette stands on a ladder that's propped against the side of the house up to the roof. The two twins stand on the sidewalk, looking up, watching her.)

Lynette: "You can do this, all right? Just, just scotch down a few inches, and I'll grab you."

Parker (sitting on the roof): "No, you'll drop me!"

Lynette: "I'm not gonna drop you. I might strangle you for climbing up here in the first place. But drop you, no. Come on!"

(The car that has just pulled up to the sidewalk honks its horn. A man climbs out of the car and walks toward Preston and Porter, who rush at him. He gives them big hugs as Tom gets out of the car.)

Lynette: "Okay. Just wait."

(She begins climbing down the ladder.)

Tom: "Look who I found wandering around the airport!"

Lynette: "Hey, Rodney!"

Tom: "Is Parker back up on the roof?"

Lynette: "Yep."

Tom: "See if he can find that Frisbee while he's up there."

Lynette: "Yeah, I'm gonna get right on that."

Rodney: "Oh! How's my favorite girl?"

(They hug.)

Lynette: "I'm so happy to see you. It's such a shame that Alison couldn't make it."

Rodney: "Oh, just another business trip for the wandering salesman. She'd be bored to tears."

(He looks up at the roof where Parker is sitting.)

Rodney: "Hey, Parker! Come on, aren't you going to give me a hug?"

(Parker shakes his head no.)

Rodney: "It's grandpa!"

(He holds open his arms.)

Lynette: "Don't take it personally. He's scared to climb down."

Rodney: "Oh, can I give it a shot?"

Lynette: "Uh, yeah, sure, knock yourself out! Be careful."

(Rodney climbs up the ladder.)

Rodney: "Parker. I've got a question for you. It's only one, but it's kinda an important question. A character defining question, actually. Wanna hear it?"

Parker: "Mm-hmm."

Rodney: "Only a little girl would be afraid to come down the ladder. Now, you're not a little girl, are you?"

(Lynette's expression changes like she can't believe what she's hearing.)

Rodney: "I'm not looking at a little girly girl, am I?"

(Rodney cocks his head and looks quizzically at Parker. Lynette cocks her head and her expression changes to disbelief.)

(A few minutes later, Rodney climbs down the ladder with Parker on his back. )

Lynette: "Are you okay?"

(Rodney, breathing hard with Parker on his back, jogs into the house as Tom comes out.)

Tom (to Rodney): "Wow, you got him down!" (to Lynette) "How'd he do that?"

Lynette: "Sexism."

[Bree's House]

(Bree and Rex sit opposite each other at the dining room table. There are six lawyers at the table with them, three on each side.)

Bree's Lawyer: "Let's start off by addressing the division of assets."

Rex's Lawyer: "Well, we're not prepared to discuss either the primary residence or the retirement plans at this time."

Bree's Lawyer: "Are you prepared to discuss the cars, the antiques?"

Rex's Lawyer: "I'd like to start by discussing the country club membership. Access to the facilities is integral to Dr. Van de Kamp's medical practice here..."

Rex: "What are we doing here?"

Rex's Lawyer: "I'm sorry, Rex?"

Rex: "I'm talking to my wife. Surrounded by lawyers, dividing up our stuff? I don't want this. I thought I did, but I don't. Maybe we should talk this over before it's too late. What do you say, Bree? Should we send the vultures home?"

(There's a long pause as Bree looks at Rex. Then she turns to her lawyer.)

Bree: "I want to keep the club membership. Rex is terrible at tennis. And he hates buffets."

Bree's Lawyer: "Okay. If you'll turn to page two of our proposed settlement, you'll find our prioritized list."

Rex's Lawyer: "Right."

[Paul's House]

(Paul sits down in a chair, smiling.)

Paul: "They were kissing, huh?"

Susan: "Right at my kitchen table."

Paul: "You must have shocked the hell out of them."

(He laughs.)

Susan: "Well, I'm glad you can laugh about this."

Paul: "They're just being kids."

Susan: "This is easy for you. You're the father of the boy. I'm the mother of the girl. You know, if things get out of hand..."

[In the next room, Zach comes quietly up to the closed door and listens.]

Paul: "Now, what is it that you want from me?"

Susan: "Well, I want to know that I am not the only one who is worried about this, and I want to know that if the two of them are over here, that they are going to be supervised, and I really want you to stop looking at me like I'm crazy."

Paul: "The only reason I'm smiling is because it's practically irrelevant. I've sold the house."

Susan: "Really!"

(Very quietly, Zach opens the door and peeks his head in.)

Paul: "Mm-hmm. We'll be moving at the end of the month."

Zach: "You sold the house?"

Paul: "Zach..."

Zach: "Why didn't you tell me about this?"

Paul: "I wanted to wait until it was official."

Zach: "But you told me when I got back from Silver crest that you'd reconsidered. You lied to me."

Paul: "I think you need to take your medicine."

Zach: "What, you think pumping me full of drugs is gonna keep me quiet?"

Paul: "Upstairs, now!"

Zach: "You don't care about me, and you didn't care about mom! You know what? I wish she had shot you instead!"

(He leaves the room.)

Susan: "So you're moving! We're all going to miss you."

[Outside Lynette's House]

(Lynette drives her car into her driveway, talking to her kids.)

Lynette: "In the future, checklist means 'is it in the car' not like, 'do you remember', okay?"

Mary Alice Voiceover: "The next morning, before Parker Scavo's Little League game had even begun..."

(Lynette stops the car and Parker runs out of the car. Lynette quickly follows.)

Parker: "Okay!"

Lynette (to herself): "I'm not the one who forgot my mitt."

Mary Alice Voiceover:"...a major player was about to be tagged out."

(They enter the house. Parker runs upstairs while Lynette walks through the living room. She stops suddenly when Rodney and a woman both peek their heads over the couch from where they were lying.)

Lynette: "Hi."

Rodney: "Hi. I thought you guys were at practice."

Lynette: "Oh, Parker, um, forgot his catcher's mitt."

Rodney: "Uh, Lynette, this is Lois McDaniel. She's one of my major suppliers in the area. She's a paper products manufacturer."

Lynette: "Oh."

(Lynette goes around the couch to shake hands and trips over Lois's high heels, lying off to the side.)

Lynette: "Uh, it's nice to meet you."

Lois: "It's nice to meet you, too. You have a lovely home."

Lynette: "Thank you."

Rodney: "Just working out, uh, some of these new contracts."

(Lois turns towards Rodney as he talks and quickly buttons up parts of her blouse that were open. Regardless of having her back turned to Lynette, Lynette can tell what she's doing.)

Rodney: "Hammering out some of the little things, the minor details, overhead, shipping costs."

(Parker comes running into the room, holding a pair of stockings.)

Parker: "Mommy, look what I found!"

Lois: "I'm sorry. These are mine. Thank you. They must have fallen out of my purse."

(Lynette stares accusingly at Rodney while Lois puts them back in her purse.)

Lynette: "Well, um, we don't want to be late for the game. Nice to meet you!"

(She herds Parker out, but not before glaring back at Rodney.)

[Bree's House]

(Bree is cleaning up the kitchen, Rex walks in.)

Rex: "Hey!"

Bree: "I'm not speaking to you."

Rex: "Didn't like the settlement talks, huh?"

Bree: "You only demanded the good china because you know I love it."

Rex: "You take our timeshare in Aspen, and I'm vindictive? Come on! You'll hardly ever use that place!"

Bree: "Hardly? How about never!"

Rex: "I mean, fine. When I move out, I'm going to use your good china for take-out food. Yeah. Pizza, spare ribs..."

Bree: "You know what? At our next settlement talks, I plan on asking for your golf clubs!"

Rex: "Isn't divorce fun?"

(Bree looks at her watch.)

Bree: "It's time for your heart medication."

Rex: "You know I meant what I said at that meeting. I will fire my lawyer tomorrow, just give me the word."

Bree: "Sweetie, I think it's too late."

Rex: "Why?"

Bree: "Because you were unfaithful."

Rex: "But, if you could find a way to forgive me, if we could find a way to be happy, wouldn't you want that?"

Bree (exhales): "You know what I really truly want? Revenge. I mean, if somehow we could level the playing field, then, um, maybe I could find a way to come back."

Rex (laughs): "So what does that mean? You want to have an affair?"

(They look at each other. Bree doesn't answer.)

Rex: "Okay, uh, who are we talking about here? The dopey pharmacist?"

Bree: "Would that hurt you Rex? If I slept with another man?"

Rex: "It would devastate me."

(They look at each other again. And then Bree hands him a glass of water.)

Bree: "Here you go."

Rex: "Bree. You, you can't possibly..."

Bree: "Rex. Time to take your medicine."

(Rex quickly throws the pills in his mouth and then drinks from the glass of water, frowning, as he watches Bree walk out of the kitchen.)

[Susan's House, Nighttime]

(Susan puts a tea kettle filled with water on the stove when the phone rings. She starts walking toward it when Julie shouts from upstairs.)

Julie: "I got it!"

(Susan hesitates, then picks up the phone.)

Julie: "...she doesn't hate you. My mom just worries."

Zach: "She thinks I'm crazy."

Julie's voice: "No, she doesn't. Well, maybe a little."

Zach: "You didn't tell her what I told you, did you, about what happened to Dana?"

Julie: "Zach, I can keep a secret. I promise I will never tell her."

(The tea kettle starts whistling.)

Zach: "What's that noise?"

(Susan quickly hangs up the phone.)

[Diner]

(Bree sitting alone in the diner. A waitress pours her coffee and walks away. George enters the diner, sees her, and pauses. He fingers a knife on the empty table he's passing by, then puts a smile on his face and walks up to her.)

Bree: "Hi! Wha-What are you doing here?"

George: "I was walking outside, and I saw you in the window. I was surprised. I never thought of you as a diner person."

Bree: "I'm not. The coffee is just dreadful. Well, it's late, and I needed to get out of the house, and it was the only place still open."

George: "I didn't mean to interrupt."

(He starts to walk away.)

Bree: "George, would you like to join me for a dreadful cup of coffee?"

(Later, Bree and George are both sitting in the booth, talking.)

Bree: "It was my first week in college, and I went to a meeting of the young Republicans where Rex gave a speech, and I went up to him afterward and introduced myself, and I told him that I agreed with his stance on the death penalty. He took me out to a diner, and we, uh, stayed up till two in the morning talking about big government, gun control and illegalimmigration. Ah. It was just--it was just such a magical night, and I knew, by the time he got me back to my dorm, that one day I was going to be Mrs. Rex Van de Kamp."

George: "Wow."

Bree: "And even now, you know, after the betrayal, I, I know that we're supposed to be together. But I don't know how I can be with someone I don't trust."

George: "So, what are you gonna do?"

Bree: "That I don't know. What do you think I should do?"

George: "You're asking me?"

Bree: "Oh, I should not have done that. I am..."

George: "No, no. It's okay."

Bree: "No, George, it's not okay. It was insensitive. I know how you feel about me, and I..."

George: "Bree, I want to help."

Bree: "Thank you."

George: "So, does he love you?"

Bree: "Yes."

George: "Is he a good person?"

Bree: "Aside from the adultery, yes."

George: "Then it's easy. If I could get a good person to love me, I would find a way to forgive them."

Bree: "You are such a special man, George Williams. And you deserve such a special woman."

George: "I think so."

(Under the table, his hand clenches into a fist, squeezing hard on his pants.)

(Later, Bree arrives home and hangs up her coat. She looks over at the couch, where Rex is sleeping. She quietly goes up the stairs. On the couch, Rex lies on his side, his eyes open. Once Bree has left, he rolls over and looks at the clock. Almost 2 AM.)

[Lynette's House]

(Rodney takes a bagel out of the toaster oven and tries to put butter on it quickly. As he's leaving the kitchen, he runs into Lynette and heaves a sigh.)

Lynette: "Where are you going?"

Rodney: "Oh, I thought I'd just eat this in my room."

Lynette: "You know, the house isn't that big, Rodney. You're going to have to stop avoiding me."

Rodney: "Okay, okay. Lois isn't a supplier."

Lynette (sarcastic emphasis): "Really..."

Rodney: "And I want to apologize. I, I thought you and the kids were going to be gone all afternoon. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

Lynette: "Well, for starters, you can wipe that disgusting smirk off your face."

Rodney: "Lynette!"

Lynette: "How could you do something like this to Alison?"

Rodney: "I don't know. I don't know, it happens a little bit at a time. Years go by, the kids burn you out, I'm on the road so much, we just drifted apart. It's complicated."

Lynette: "It's not complicated. It's completely irresponsible."

Rodney: "For years, I have stayed married to a woman that I don't love because I made a vow to God. So don't talk to me about responsibilities!"

Lynette: "But your take on this is you're the victim?"

Rodney: "Oh, I can see that, uh, we're just going to have to agree to disagree."

(He picks up the bagel to leave.)

Lynette: "We're not done here."

Rodney: "Oh yeah, we are! Cause my sex life is my own business. Not yours. And there's nothing you can do about it anyway."

[Later...Rodney sits on the sidewalk next to a briefcase, a suitcase, and a luggage bag.]

(Tom drives by, pulls into the driveway, gets out, and walks over to him.)

Tom: "Dad, what are you doing?"

Rodney: "I don't want to talk about it."

Tom: "Talk about what? Does Lynette know you're out here?"

Rodney: "Oh yeah, she knows. Could you drive me to the airport?"

Tom: "Wait here."

(He goes inside.)

(We see two empty glasses on the counter as Tom walks in the house. Lynette fills them with scotch as Tom calls out to her.)

Tom: "Lynette?"

Lynette: "Yeah..."

Tom: "Why is my dad sitting out on the curb?"

Lynette: "Because I kicked him out of the house."

Tom: "I see. You want to tell me why?"

Lynette: "Hold on. I made you a drink."

Tom: "Oh God, what did he do?"

Lynette: "Yesterday, I came home, and I walked in on your dad with a woman. He's having an affair. I am so, so sorry. I know. Are you okay?"

(She puts her hands on the sides of his face to console him. Tom pulls away and turns around.)

Tom: "Yeah, um, I should go talk to him."

Lynette: "That's it?"

Tom: "What?"

Lynette: "I just, I expected a bigger reaction. I've been sitting here with knots in my stomach."

Tom: "Okay, look, I never mentioned this before, because I knew how you'd react, but, um, I'm not that surprised by this. My father's been having affairs for years."