Episode 01.10 - Come Back To Me

Mary Alice Voiceover: Previously on "desperate housewives"...

Paul: Zach's gone from Silver crest.

Julie: Hungry?

Mary Alice Voiceover: Sometimes...

Lynette: If I don't get some help, I will lose my mind. Where can I score some high-grade nanny?

Mary Alice Voiceover: No matter how hard you try...

FBI:FBI. Open the door. Carlos Solis, I have a warrant for your arrest.

Mary Alice Voiceover: Some problems...

Maisy: I-I'm sorry. And you are?

Bree: I take it you've met Maisy Gibbons.

Lynette: She's a total nightmare.

Bree: Maisy does love to rule her little kingdom.

Bree: You are unhappy with our sex life. You're not getting something from me, but you're simply too afraid to ask.

Mary Alice Voiceover: can't be easily solved.

[Maisy Gibbons's House]

(A hand picks up a hairbrush. The camera pans up to show that Maisy Gibbons is sitting in front of a mirror, brushing her hair.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: "To understand Maisy Gibbons, you first need to know how she spent her afternoons."

(Maisy drives by in a BMW SUV, waving to Susan and Bree, who are standing outside, talking. They wave back.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: "Her mornings were spent running errands for her husband. Her evenings were spent washing dishes and helping with homework."

(Maisy, with rubber gloves on, loads the dishwasher, then walks over to the kitchen table, where her young daughter is doing homework.)

Maisy: "Okay, so nine plus one is..."

Mary Alice Voiceover: "But her afternoons, well, they were spent in the company of men."

(While Mary Alice speaks, Maisy is shown opening up her front door on various days, smiling beautifully as she welcomes all types of men into her home.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: "Frustrated. Misunderstood. Lonely men. Willing to pay money to feel a little less lonely. And Maisy Gibbons was willing to help them."

(Maisy turns from her mirror as one of her customers speaks as he finishes getting dressed. She begins making the bed.)

Customer: "Maisy, I've always wondered, Nobody knows about your little hobby, do they?"

Maisy: "Mm-mm."

Customer: "Is it hard? Keeping a secret like this?"

Maisy: "Well, maybe if it was just my secret. But the way I see it, I keep the secrets of every man who comes to me. And I find that absolutely exhilarating. A few years back, Harold lost his job, and we had to give up our membership at the country club. And then one day one of my club friends asked why she hadn't seen me around lately, and I told her that we couldn't afford it anymore. She waved it off like it was nothing. But I saw her...get that look in her eye, that look of...pity."

Customer: "Maybe she was just trying to be nice. Anyway, is that so bad, feeling sorry for someone?"

Maisy: "When they say something, they are being supportive. But when they say nothing, it's because they think that you're so far gone you're never coming back."

Customer: "Gotcha."

Maisy: "Anyway, a couple of months later, I started my little hobby...and the most wonderful thing happened. This woman's husband became one of my regulars."

Customer: "Wow."

(The doorbell rings.)

Maisy: "Oh, would you be a lamb and go out the back? It's my next appointment."

Customer: "Sure."

Maisy: "It's the husband of the woman I was telling you about."

(Maisy opens up the front door, smiling.)

Maisy: "Hello there."

Rex: "Hey, Maisy."

(He steps inside, kissing her on her cheek as she closes the front door.)

Credits

[Courtroom]

Mary Alice Voiceover: "Every morality play has its cast of characters. There is always an innocent victim..."

(Gabrielle sits in the courtroom, looking worried.)

Mary Alice Voiceover:"...a deceitful villain..."

(Carlos, in an orange jail outfit, sits at a table with his lawyer.)

Mary Alice Voiceover:"...a prosecutor who seeks the truth..."

(A no-nonsense woman in a business suit sits at the other table in the courtroom, an open laptop in front of her.)

Mary Alice Voiceover:"...a magistrate that dispenses justice..."

(The judge, Judge Sullivan, takes a file someone hands her.)

Mary Alice Voiceover:"...and a lawyer who charges too much."

(Carlos's lawyer looks through some papers in front of him.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: "This morality play was being produced at the Fairview County Courthouse. Its themes were trust and betrayal."

Judge Sullivan: "So, what's your issue with bail in this case, Ms. McCready?

Ms. McCready: "We want bail denied, your honor. The defendant's company imported goods manufactured by slave labor, and his business partner, Mr. Tenaka, has already fled the country. And Mr. Solis, himself, has refused to surrender his passport."

Judge Sullivan: "Dog ate your client's passport, Mr. Hartley?"

Mr. Hartley: "It's been temporarily misplaced, your honor, but we maintain that Akisha Tenaka set up and executed the entire operation. Mr. Solis is no business partner, but merely a hired contractor. And I'd also like to point out that my client is the sole provider of his wife, and his mother, who is hospitalized in a coma as we speak."

Judge Sullivan: "Bring me the passport, and Mr. Solis can visit his mother. Until then, your client is denied bail and remanded. What's next?"

(She bangs down her gavel, and Carlos is escorted from the courtroom by a bailiff. He looks at Gabrielle as he leaves. Gabrielle hangs her head.)

[Lynette's House]

Lynette: "You better finish those brussel sprouts. And don't think I can't see them hidden under your macaroni."

Twin: "I hate brussel sprouts."

Lynette: "Yeah? Well, brussel sprouts help you grow. You don't want to be short your whole life, do you? Here, look, you know what we'll do? We're gonna dip them in a little cheese. Here you go. Good, yummy!"

(He spits it out.)

(The boys get up from the table to run off.)

Lynette: "Fine, fine. Be three-foot-eight the rest of your life. See if I care. Good luck finding girlfriends!"

(Claire walks in.)

Claire: "Hey, didn't you have a lunch today?"

Lynette: "I'm going to cancel it. The boys are in rare form, and you're still finding your way."

Claire: "Lynette. It's been two days."

Lynette: "I...don't want to...shock them, by suddenly disappearing. You know? Deep down, they're very sensitive."

(The two of them look at the boys who are ignoring the women as they throw their toys around.)

Claire: "They'll be fine. Now go. Get out of here."

Lynette: "You have my cell phone number. You call me if you need anything."

Claire: "I will."

Lynette: "Okay. You boys. Come here and give mamma a three-bear hug."

(They come running.)

Lynette: "Come on, one, two, three, get in, get in!"

Bear 1: "Bye, mom!"

Bear 2: "Bye, mom!"

Bear 3: "Bye!"

Lynette: "Okay."

(She leaves.)

[Susan's House]

(Julie spoons Chinese food from a take-out container onto a plate. Off-camera, Mike and Susan can be heard flirting.)

Mike: "Just, watch your hands..."

Julie: "Um, I'm going to eat upstairs. I've got a ton of homework."

Susan: "What are you, storing up for winter?"

Julie: "I'm just...really hungry. Oh, I talked to Dad today, and apparently, he and Brandi might break up."

Susan: "Oh, how awful!"

Julie: "Mom, you're smiling."

Susan: "Am I? Hmm."

Julie: "Anyway, because of all the drama, he can't take me this weekend, so...I'll be home after all. Good night!"

(She runs upstairs with her food, leaving Mike and Susan alone.)

Susan: "Oh great, our romantic weekend is off."

Mike: "We could move it to my house."

Susan: "No."

Mike: "Why not?"

Susan: "I just, I just want it to be special."

Mike: "And it can't be special at my house."

Susan: "Okay. I know this sounds weird, but I just need to have my things around me."

Mike: "What things?"

Susan: "Perfumes and oils. And I want to pick out the outfit that you are going to tear off me. And plus, I need to be in complete control of the lighting."

Mike: "Okay, we'll wait until next weekend."

Susan: "You are just the sweetest guy."

(She leans over to kiss him, and they end up kissing for a long, extended time.)

Mike: "I can't wait 'til next weekend."

Susan: "No, me neither."

Mike: "What about tomorrow when Julie's at school? I've got an early job and that's it."

Susan: "Oh, no good. My publisher's got me under the gun for something. What about Friday?"

Mike: "Mmm. I'm repiping the house."

Susan: "Damn, Karl, I'm not even married to him anymore and he's still keeping me from having sex."

(She stabs her food with her fork.)

[Julie's Room]

(Zach eats the food Julie brought him.)

Julie: "I can't hide you in my room forever, and I think we need to tell my mom. You can trust her, I promise."

Zach: "You didn't tell her what I told you, did you?"

Julie: "No! No, no. I would never tell anyone that."

(Zach gets up.)

Julie: "What are you doing?

Zach: "I don't want to cause problems for you. I'm just, I'm just going to go."

Julie: "Zach, stop. Don't go. I won't tell her."

Zach: "I swear, I'll be out of here soon. I'll think of something, okay?"

[Bree's House]

(Bree is playing solitaire, dressed for bed. Rex comes into the house.)

Bree: "Hello."

Rex: "Why are you up?"

Bree: "I could ask you the same question."

Rex: "I'm going to bed. I didn't ask you to wait up for me. Remember, I'm here as our children's father, not your husband."

(Bree picks up the jacket he just took off, and sniffs the collar.)

Rex: "What are you doing?"

Bree: "Were you with a woman? Did you tell her that you have a wife, or does that hinder your pick-up style?"

Rex: "All right. Even if I was seeing someone, I have every right to. Exploring options is the whole point of being separated!"

Bree: "Options! I'm not a mutual fund, Rex!"

Rex: "Oh, that's not...Bree, you should get out there. Try and meet someone."

Bree: "Meet someone. I'm raising your children."

Rex: "I am just trying to move on with my life. It is nothing to be ashamed of!"

Bree: "Oh, okay. I tell you what then. Why don't you just call up your mystery woman and invite her over. I'll pull out the sofa bed and you can take her right there. Andrew! Danielle! Daddy's gonna fornicate for us!"

Rex: "Keep your voice down."

Bree: "Why, are you feeling ashamed?"

(She pushes past him.)

[Outside Mrs. Huber's House]

Mary Alice Voiceover: "The next morning started with a banging."

(Edie stands on Mrs. Huber's porch, banging loudly on the door.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: "No one knew where Martha Huber was, and Edie Britt was starting to worry. Edie didn't like worrying. She felt it gave her wrinkles. So, out of concern for her face and Mrs. Huber, Edie decided to find out what was going on."

[Gabrielle's House]

(Gabrielle rifles quickly through a drawer with papers in it. Finding nothing important, she closes the drawer and finds Yao Lin.)

Gabrielle: "Yao Lin, listen to me. It's very important that we find Carlos' passport. I've already looked through his office, so I need you to search the bedroom."

(Yao Lin stares at Gabrielle.)

Gabrielle: "What?"

Yao Lin: "With Mr. Solis in jail, how are you going to pay me? I have children."

Gabrielle: "Yao Lin, your kids are in their twenties. If it'll make you shut up..."

(Gabrielle writes a check.)

Gabrielle: "Here. Three weeks in advance."

Yao Lin: "If you don't mind, can I call your bank?"

Gabrielle: "Yao Lin, don't be stupid. People don't become poor overnight."

(Gabrielle looks out the window where a tow truck is hooking her car up to be towed.)

Gabrielle: "Huh? That's my car! Oh my god!"

(Gabrielle runs outside.)

Gabrielle: "Hey! Hey! What are you doing? Where are you taking my car?"

Tow guy: "The government is impounding it. Here's your receipt. Call that number if you have any questions."

(He drives off. Gabrielle watches it leave and notices some neighbors watching.)

Gabrielle: "You call this a paint job?! I don't want to see it again until it's perfect!"

(She glances quickly at the couple watching her and then storms into the house.)

[Bree's House]

(Bree irons shirts while Lynette sits nearby.)

Lynette: "I wonder what's going on over there. I mean, Claire did okay with the kids yesterday, but that could have been beginner's luck. Do you think I should call? I should call!"

Bree: "Lynette, for the first time in years you finally have some free time, and you're wasting it obsessing about the kids."

Lynette: "It's just, I don't know this woman, I mean, not really. So she has a degree in sociology. Well, big deal, who doesn't? My boys are a lot to handle. What if she's not up to it?"

Bree: "You know, if you really have that many doubts, you should go buy a hidden camera."

Lynette (laughing): "What, a nanny cam?"

Bree: "Yeah. People do terrible things when they think no one is watching them."

Lynette: "Yeah. I don't really think I could videotape Claire. It would be a breach of trust."

Bree: "Trust is overrated."

Lynette: "So, how are things with you and Rex?"

Bree: "Fine. Why do you ask?"

Lynette: "Well, I'm just curious. I mean, he moves out, he moves back in. Is he back for good?"

Bree: "Uh, the situation is, um, fluid. I'm not certain what his plans are yet."

Lynette: "So if you're not sure he's back for good, why are you ironing his shirts?"

Bree: "Because I have faith that he'll come back. And that he'll do the right thing."

Lynette: "That's good. It's good to have faith in people."

Bree: "Yeah. But I'd still buy that camera."

[Susan's House]

(Susan licks an envelope and then sees Mike's truck drive by. She gets up and watches him park in his driveway, then go into his house. She smiles.)

(Later, dressed in lingerie, Susan calls Mike on the phone.)

Mike: "Hello."

Susan: "Mike."

Mike: "Yeah."

Susan: "My oven's out.

Mike: "Uh huh."

Susan: ''Come over and help me find my pilot light."

(She hangs up, then turns on the stereo to the song "Here I Am (Come And Take Me)". As she gets ready for Mike to come over by throwing rose petals on the bed and floor, she sings along, dancing as she sings.)

Susan: "Oh, candles, candles!"

(She goes into Julie's room and grabs some scented candles. As she dances her way out, Zach hides behind the door, unseen by Susan.)

(Mike heads out of his house, heading towards Susan's.)

(Zach walks down the hallway, but the floor beneath him creaks. Susan hears it.)

Susan: "Mike? Mike, is that you? I'm up here!"

(Susan gets on the bed and positions herself.)

(Mike gets to Susan's house and finds a note taped to the front door reading "Come on in! ♥ ")

(He smiles and opens the door. Zach, who had just been heading down the stairs, quickly heads back upstairs. When he gets to Susan's open door, he pauses, and the floor beneath him creaks again.)

Susan: "Mike?"

(Nobody answers, so Susan gets off her bed and quietly goes across her room. Zach creeps back down the hallway. Susan removes a thigh master from her closet and creeps toward her door.)

(Zach hides behind a door and Susan comes out of her room, swinging the thigh master furiously, and hitting Mike, who falls backwards.)

Susan: "Oh my god!"

Mike: "What the hell!"

Susan: "I'm so sorry, I thought there was someone in the house."

Mike: "So you took your clothes off?"

Susan: "No. My clothes were already off. I was going to seduce you."

Mike: "It didn't really work."

Susan: "Oh, I'm sorry, are you okay?"

(She begins kissing his face.)

Mike: "Oh..."

(When he stops responding, Susan realizes that he's looking past her. She turns around and sees Zach in the doorway, looking at them.)

Zach: "Please don't be mad."

[Susan's House, Later]

(Julie comes home from school.)

Julie: "Hey, there!"

(She notices Zach sitting at the kitchen table with Susan and Mike standing by it.)

Julie: "Zach, what are you doing here?"

[Lynette's House]

Mary Alice Voiceover: "Later that day, while Claire was out getting the boys wired on ice cream, Lynette did some wiring of her own."

(Lynette sets up a hidden camera in a big ceramic Mr. Toad. She holds it up to eye-level and smiles. She then places it on the refrigerator. She goes over to a small TV on the counter and turns it on. The image from the camera is shown on the TV.)

(Lynette takes a teddy bear and stands in front of the camera, but watches herself on the TV. Gently, she cradles the teddy bear like a baby. Then, holding it at arm's length, she shakes the bear. Then she slaps the bear several times across the face. Then she throws it off to the side, looks directly at the camera, and shrugs, satisfied.)

[Susan's House]

Julie: "No, you can't do this, you can't send Zach back!"

Susan: "Julie, what else can I do? He can't stay here!"

Julie: "His father sent him to a psycho ward!"

Zach: "Actually, they call it a rehabilitation center."

Susan (to Mike): "What do you think?"

Mike: "Paul is his father. He has a right to know his son's okay. And, he finds out you're hiding him, you'll get in a lot of trouble."

Susan: "He's right. Sorry, guys!"

Julie: "Mom, please don't do this! If you knew what Zach had been through-"

Zach: "Julie! Julie. It's okay. I'll be fine."

(They hug.)

Mike: "I'll, uh, take him back over so you two can..."

Susan: "Listen, if Paul sees Zach and freaks out..."

Mike: "I'll bring him right back."

Susan: "Thank you."

(Mike and Zach leave.)

Susan: "Young lady, we need to talk about what you did."

Julie: "I really don't feel like talking to you right now."

(She runs up the stairs.)

(Outside, Mike and Zach walk to Paul's house.)

Mike: "Uh, listen, Zach. If things ever get really bad..." (hands Zach his business card) "It's got my cell number on it. Give me a call. Any time."

Zach: "Thanks!"

(He stays on the sidewalk as Mike goes up to the door and knocks. Paul opens the door and sees Zach.)

Paul: "Oh, thank god."

(He hugs Zach, then turns to Mike.)

Paul: "How did you-"

Mike: "We'll talk later." (to Zach) "Remember, any time."

(He walks off and Zach and Paul go back inside.)

[Maisy's House]

(Maisy slowly removes various sexual toys from her drawer. Behind her, sitting in a chair, with his back to her, sits Rex, naked.)

Maisy: "I heard you moved back home."

Rex: "Yeah, I had to. We had some problems with Andrew. I'll move out eventually."

Maisy: "Spikes or pearls?"

Rex: "Your choice."

(Maisy puts on the pearl collar.)

Maisy: "You know what I think?"

Rex: "Hmmm?"

Maisy: "You don't really want to leave her."

Rex: "Please don't psychoanalyze me."

Maisy: "You're still in love with her."

Rex: "I never said I wasn't."

Maisy: "Then why divorce?"

Rex: "Oh, so now you're rooting for us two crazy kids to work-"

(He turns slightly in his chair to look at her, and she pounds her fist on the dresser. Properly rebuffed, he turns back to his original position.)

Maisy: "Hey! You know me. I'm just a romantic at heart. Scarves or cuffs?"

Rex: "Up to you. Even if I could find a way to deal with Bree's whole obsessive compulsive thing, it's not the only problem in our marriage. As you know, I have certain needs."

Maisy: "Boots or stilettos."

Rex: "Stilettos, please."

Maisy: "Why don't you just tell Bree what you need? Tell her what you want."

Rex: "Because she'd say no."

Maisy: "So? I've said no to some things you've asked me to do."