Desperate Housewives - Episode 02.06 - I Wish I Could Forget You

"George Williams had never been lucky in love."

Flashback: George gets out of his car carrying flowers and walks up to a front door. He opens his mouth and sprays a breath freshener in it.

"It seems that the women he dated always invented reasons not to consummate their relationship."

Young Woman: "Um, I'm afraid we'll wake my roommate."

She slams the door on George.

Career Woman: "Uh, I have to get up really early for work."

She slams the door on George.

Slutty Woman: "I'm, uh, saving myself for marriage."

She slams the door on George.

"Sadly for George, it was one unoriginal excuse after another."

Bree's House

Present Day: George knocks on Bree's door.

"But since he'd started seeing Bree Van de Kamp, George couldn't help but feel..."

Bree: "Hi. The kids are gone. We have the house all to ourselves tonight."

"...his luck was about to change."

After dinner, Bree and George enter Bree's living room and sit on the sofa.

Bree: "I thought the duck turned out well. Although the sauce was a little bit thick, but judging by how many helpings you had, I think I got away with it. What are you thinking about?"

George: "Your hair. Would you mind if I...?"

Bree: "Uh, no, go ahead."

George reaches for the clip holding Bree's bun and her hair falls to her shoulders.

Bree: "That better?"

George moves closer on the couch and kisses Bree.

Bree: "That was nice."

George falls onto Bree, pushing her down onto the couch, kissing her.

Bree pushes George back slightly.

George: "It's okay that I'm doing this right?"

Bree: "Well, I thought we were going to let the duck digest a bit more, but what the heck."

She pulls George back to her.

Bree: "Oh!"

She grabs her neck.

George: "What's wrong?"

Bree: "I don't know. I felt something weird."

George: "Oh, that was my tongue. It extends farther than most. I should have warned you."

Bree: "No, no, no, it wasn't your kiss. I felt something weird on my neck."

George pushes her down again and starts kissing her. Bree continues to scratch at her neck.

George: "What, what are you doing?"

Bree: "I don't know. I'm just really starting to itch."

George: "Oh."

They sit up and Bree begins to scratch all over. George stares at her neck.

Bree: "What is it?"

George: "You, you've got a huge rash."

Bree jumps up and runs to a mirror. She sees the rash on her check which is now spreading to her face. She continues to scratch.

Bree: "Oh, ah, ah, it's starting to spread to my face."

George: "Are you allergic to something you ate?"

Bree: "Oh, I don't think so. I've made duck range a thousand times."

George: "Something is causing that rash."

Bree stares at George. She opens the front door and begins pushing him out.

George: "Bree, Bree, please don't."

Bree: "I'm sorry George, but you have to go."

George: "But the kids are away. I was sort of hoping we could make love tonight."

Bree: "How are we going to do that George? You have just given me hives."

Bree slams the door in George's face.

"Though painful to hear, George had to admit at least this excuse was original."

Opening Credits

Susan's House

"It's a fact that little girls dream of big, white wedding. Of course, the exact same thing can be said for big girls."

Susan is pinning a wedding dress on her mother, Sophie Bremmer.

"Some of whom can get incredibly anxious waiting for the boys in their lives to make those dreams come true."

Mike is sitting on the couch reading the newspaper. Susan sneaks a peek at Mike to see if he is watching her and accidentally pokes her mom with a pin.

Sophie: "Ouch. Oh. Watch it Susie."

Susan: "Mom, why don't you just go see a dressmaker?"

Sophie: "Wait, I have the perfect idea. You get in the dress and I'll pin it." (to Mike) "We wear the same size."

Susan: "Since when?"

Sophie: "Since forever." (to Mike) "You have to leave though. You can't stay. You can't see Susie in a wedding dress. Not until your big day."

Susan: "Mom!"

Mike: "No, it's not a problem. I can see her in it."

Susan and her mom look at Mike in shock.

Sophie: "You can?"

Susan: "You can?"

Mike: "I assume you want to pick out your own wedding dress when we get married, right?"

Sophie: "Oh, that sounds like a proposal."

Mike: "Did it?"

Susan: "Yeah, it did."

Mike: "Huh, what do you know?"

Sophie: "Are you planning to pop the question?"

Mike: "Well, if she knows it's coming, the question won't really pop? now will it?"

Susan: "He's right, mom. Oh, I want it to be just like you do. You know on your own terms and you get down on one knee and the whole production."

Mike: "That's the plan."

Susan: "Well. Then I can wait. I can wait. I'm a good waiter."

Mike: "Good."

Susan: "I was just wondering if, if there's a ball park of how long I will have to wait. A week, a month, after lunch?"

Mike: "Again, you're not waiting for the pop?...;

Susan: "Right, right, I'm sorry."

Mike leaves the room.

Sophie: "Yay!"

Susan: "Mom."

Dr. Goldfine's Office

Dr. Goldfine: "So, the hives occurred right after you kissed George."

Bree: "Yes, it was the strangest thing. And so inconvenient. To be honest, I think we were about the make love for the first time."

Dr. Goldfine: "Bree, have you considered the idea that your subconscious mind was trying to sabotage your evening with George?"

Bree: "Actually, I have not considered that because that's idiotic!"

Dr. Goldfine: "You don't think being with George made you feel a bit guilty?"

Bree: "Why should I feel guilty?"

Dr. Goldfine: "Perhaps you felt you were about to commit adultery."

Bree: "Dr. Goldfine, Rex is dead. You can't cheat on a corpse."

Dr. Goldfine looks at Bree's hands as she rubs the area where her wedding ring would be.

Dr. Goldfine: "But, maybe that's not how you really feel deep down."

Bree: "Oh so you uh, think I'm crazy?"

Dr. Goldfine: "You say you got a case of hives for no reason. I think there is a reason and it's probably a psychosomatic one."

Bree: "You can think whatever you want, but to be honest, I don't believe in the subconscious."

Dr. Goldfine: "Every time you've said Rex in this session, you've stroked the place where your wedding ring used to be. Why did you do that?"

Bree looks down at her hands, where she is stroking her ring finger. She stops abruptly.

Advertising Agency - Daytime

In the conference room, a staff meeting is going on.

Nina: "Let's talk about Monday. We are re-pitching to the Kamarov people. Lynette, you'll be on point."

Lynette: "Great, great, no problem."

Nina: "And, can you do me a favor and maybe not wear the green suit?"

Lynette: "Um, I wasn't planning to, uh, but why?"

Nina: "The fabric. It just has this quality to it like you could, I don't know, wipe it clean with a damp cloth."

The other staff member laugh quietly.

Lynette: "I'll just wear a different suit then."

Nina: "Great. Like what, you think?"

Lynette: "Another suit. I have other suits."

Nina: "And if by other suits, you mean the grey one, then, of course you do."

Lynette: "No, actually, I have quite a few others. Uh, the blue one, and uh..."

The other staff members snicker..

Lynette: "What's wrong with the blue suit?"

Stu walks in and places a cup of coffee in front of Nina.

Nina: "Stu. Would you like to tell Lynette what's wrong with the blue suit?"

Stu: "No. That's cool."

Nina: "Stu! Come on. Do the thing, the thing that you did at lunch."

Nina pretends to rub stuff onto her suit.

Nina: "Look at me. I'm Lynette. I've got food stains everywhere."

Lynette: "All right, so if I get my blue suit dry cleaned, will that be acceptable to everyone?"

Stu: "The pants also have a split seam in the back."

Nina smiles.

Fairview County Courthouse

Gabrielle walks up to David, wearing a slinky gold outfit.

Gabrielle: "Excuse me. Hello, David."

David: "What the hell is this? I thought I told you to dress maternal."

Gabrielle: "Yes, you did, and I considered it for about a second."

David: "What happened?"

Gabrielle: "David, I know you're the lawyer and all, but trust me, it's never a smart strategy to cover this up."

David: "We've got forty minutes before the pre-trial hearing. Let's go home and get you changed."

Gabrielle: "What?"

David: "You want to get your husband out of jail? You gotta dress like a pregnant, suffering wife, not the cover of Vogue."

A man walks up to them.

Louis: "David."

David: "Louis. What are you doing here?"

Louis: "I need a favor, David."

David: "If this has to do with lifting my client's restraining order, the answer's the same one you got last week."

Louis: "You don't understand. I love Crystal."

David: "Yeah, we all love the pretty ladies at the Stop n' Shop, but now you gotta love her from fifty yards away."

Louis: "You turned her against me. If it wasn't for you, we'd be together."

David: "Louis, Crystal hired me to keep you away from her. She doesn't want to see you."

Louis: "Oh, yeah, then, then why did she ask for my phone number?"

David: "She's a cashier. You paid by check. It doesn't make you special."

David holds Gabrielle by the arm and walks away from Louis.

Louis: "Don't walk away from me. We're having a conversation!"

David: "Louis, this is your problem. You're creepy! Nobody likes you. What you call a conversation the rest of us call harassment. You want a friend? Get a hamster!"

Louis: "David!"

Louis pulls out a gun. He points it toward David and Gabrielle. David pushes Gabrielle around behind him and down to the floor. David holds his briefcase in front of him as Louis closes his eyes and begins firing at him.

Bystander #1: "Call the police!"

Bystander #2: "Stay there!"

Louis runs out of bullets. David looks at himself and sees that he has not been hit.

Louis throws the empty gun at David who catches it. Louis runs away.

David: "That's right, you better run. I'm gonna get some bullets for this thing and come after you!"

Security Guard (pointing his gun at David): "Freeze!"

David: "Hey, everything's cool."

The guard shoots David. Gabrielle screams. David drops slowly to his knees. Gabrielle approaches.

Gabrielle: "Are you okay?"

Wisteria Lane - Daytime

Paul Young is mowing his front lawn.

"Weeds are a common annoyance of life in suburbia and no matter how hard we try to get rid of them, they always tend to crop back up."

Gabrielle is on her porch watching Paul. She is on the phone.

Gabrielle: "Are you seeing this?"

Bree: "I don't believe him. He is so brazen."

Gabrielle: "He's just mowing the lawn like nothing ever happened. What should we do? Should we call the police?"

Bree: "Well, Susan did say that he murdered Mrs. Huber, so my vote would be yes."

Gabrielle: "Oh, my god, Susan's home."

They watch as Susan's car pulls into her driveway. She gets out and takes bags of groceries out of her van.

Gabrielle: "Has she seen Paul yet?"

Susan looks across the street and sees Paul mowing his lawn. She drops all the bags.

Bree: "I think so."

A can rolls into the street. Paul picks it up.

Paul: "Hello, Susan."

Susan: "Oh, my god. Paul."

Paul: "Need some help with those bags?"

Susan: "Why...are you doing here?"

Paul: "This is where I live. I came home to find my son. Here you go."

He holds out the can he picked up.

Susan: "No, don't come near me."

Paul: "I'm just giving you back your pie filling."

Susan: "I don't want my pie filling."

Paul: "Oh, come on. Just take it."

Susan: "No, stop! Put that pie filling down. Slowly. I'm calling nine-one-one."

Paul: "You don't want to do that."

Susan: "Oh, I think I do. You're a cold-blooded murderer."

Paul: "Susan, how can you believe that? We've been neighbors for years."

Bree and Gabrielle approach and get in front of Susan.

Paul: "Ladies, good to see you."

Bree: "Paul, we've called the police."

Paul: "You didn't really need to do that."

Gabrielle: "We know what you did to Mrs. Huber."

Paul: "Wonderful. I see you've all turned into Susan while I've been gone."

A police car pulls up.

Susan: "Oh, thank god, they're here."

A crowd of neighbors gather to see what's happening.

Mrs. Greenberg: "Hey, hey, what's going on?"

Edie: "Oh, Mayer's convinced that Paul Young murdered Martha Huber."

Mrs. Greenberg: "Oh, my god! I live right behind him."

Mrs. Fromme: "I know. I gave him my house keys to feed my cat."

Edie: "I win. I made out with him."

Police Officer gives Paul back his license and approaches Susan.

Police Officer: "Here you go. There's no warrant here for a Paul Young."

Gabrielle: "Why don't you ask Mike? He overheard everything, right?"

Police Officer: "Who's Mike?"

Susan: "Uh, he's my boyfriend, and, and he told me that Paul confessed everything to him. Oh, and Mike has Martha's journals, which clearly prove that Paul had a motive."

Police Officer: "All right, all right, where do I find this Mike guy?"

Susan: "Uh, he's, follow me."

Paul: "You mind if I stay here? I've got a lot of raking to do."

Police Officer: "Let's go."

Susan and the officer walk to Mike's house. The crowd follows. Mike opens the front door.

Mike: "Hey. What's going on?"

Susan: "Mike, Paul Young is back. Look."

She points across the street where Paul is raking his leaves.

Police Officer: "Your girlfriend said Mr. Young confessed a murder to you?"

Mike: "Um, no. No, not to me."

Police Officer: "And I don't suppose you have a journal that belonged to a Martha Huber?"

Mike: "No. I hardly knew her. Besides, you ever known a woman who'd loan out her diary?"

Susan: "Mike, what are you doing?"

Mike: "I'm sorry, Susan. I don't know what you're talking about. But I've got a job to get to. Is there anything else?"

Police Officer: "No, no, that pretty much covers it."

Mike walks past the gathered crowd.

Edie: "Well, someone might as well say it. Susan, what the hell have you been smoking?"

Lynette's House

Lynette walks into the bedroom wearing a beautiful expensive-looking white suit.

Lynette: "Okay."

Tom: "Wow! Nice."

Tom looks at the price tag on the suit.

Tom: "Oh, my god!"

Lynette: "Okay, don't be distracted by that. Look at me. Here I am tomorrow, making my presentation."

Lynette poses and spins.

Lynette: "You see? You see how it, how it moves with me? That's where the magic is."

Tom: "Nine hundred dollars?"

Lynette: "Yeah, well, this one was the most expensive. The other ones aren't as nice. But look. Look, look, look, look at me, look at me. Watch. I don't walk in it. I glide."

Tom: "Um, honey, you know what? There's gotta be like three thousand dollars worth of clothes here."

Lynette: "Yeah, well, I haven't bought a new suit in six years."

Tom: "So? When I was working, you don't think I would have loved to have a designer suit? I wore wash-and-wear so that we could live in a nice neighborhood, so we could take the kids on vacation every summer. I mean, I made sacrifices."

Lynette: "I'm willing to make sacrifices."

Tom: "Great, well, let's start here, because" (holds up a suit) "this should cover a math tutor for Parker."

Lynette: "Whoa, hold on a sec."

Tom holds up another suit.

Tom: "Six months of pre-school for Penny."

Lynette: "All right, now you're being ridiculous."

Tom: "You know what? And the twins, they're gonna need braces. That oughta make a dent."

He points to the white suit Lynette is wearing.

Lynette: "Oh, no. Come on, Tom. Not this one."

Tom: "Strip."

Lynette: "You saw the walk, right? You wanna see the walk again? I'll tutor Parker myself."

Tom: "Honey, that'd be great. You also gonna take up home dentistry?"

Lynette: "Fine. I'll take them back. Could you step out for a minute, please? I want to be alone with it for a little while."

Bree's House - Nighttime

Bree is lying in bed, reading and rubbing her ring finger. She stops herself and picks up the phone.

Bree: "Hi, it's Bree."

George: "Hi. I was thinking about calling you. I just got some new antihistamines in at the store. I think they're really gonna help with your rash."

Bree: "Well, great. Um, how would you feel about the two of us checking into a romantic hotel tomorrow?"

George: "What? Uh, I, I'll like that very much."

Bree: "I will let you make all the arrangements. Something out of town would be nice. Good night."

They hang up.

George: "Yes!"

Wisteria Lane - Nighttime

Mike pulls into his driveway. Susan suddenly appears at the driver's window.

Susan: "We need to talk."

Mike: "Where did you come from?"

Susan: "I'm sorry. I've been waiting for you. I'm just a little upset because everybody thinks I'm crazy."

Mike: "Can I at least get out of the truck first?"

Susan: "Yes, definitely. I mean, I can understand why you wouldn't want the cops to know that you kidnapped Paul. I mean, that definitely looks bad."

Mike: "Since I was on probation."

Susan: "Well, right. I mean, there's that."

Mike: "And in possession of a gun."

Susan: "Well, okay..."

Mike: "Which I held to his head. So I violated my probation, committed a felony, and coerced a confession. If the cops found out about that, I'd be looking at ten to fifteen years."

Susan: "But why don't you want 'em to know about Martha Huber's journal? I mean, she says right in there that she was blackmailing Paul's wife."

Mike: "She also says right in there that she was blackmailing you for burning down Edie's house."

Susan: "Oh. I forgot about that. I just can't believe it. I mean, there he is, a murderer, just living right on our street, and there's nothing we can do about it because you're a convicted felon and I burned down that stupid house. It's unfair."

Mike: "I want Paul Young gone as badly as you do, and he will be, but I also want to find Zach. I think once Zach finds out Paul's here, I got a feeling he'll be back."

Susan: "Well, that's comforting to know there's a silver lining."

Hospital

David is lying in a hospital bed with his arm in a sling. Gabrielle knocks on the doorframe and walks in.

David: "Hi. What are you doing here?"

Gabrielle: "Well, you protected me from a hail of gun fire, so I thought I'd stop by and give you a card."

David: "You're my first visitor."

Gabrielle: "What do you mean, I'm your first visitor? You've been here two days."

David: "My office sent me flowers."

Gabrielle: "Oh."

She pulls the card from the vase of flowers and reads it out loud.

Gabrielle: "'Dear David, who knew you could actually bleed? Sincerely, your stunned co-workers.'"

David: "Yeah, well, I'm a lawyer who got shot. Everybody's cracking wise."

Gabrielle: "You're not gonna eat?"

David: "Uh, can't really cut yet."