Coyote their candidate for the Grizzly Bearship; but whether he

ever obtained the office history does not relate.
The Honest Citizen

A POLITICAL Preferment, labelled with its price, was canvassing the
State to find a purchaser. One day it offered itself to a Truly

Good Man, who, after examining the label and finding the price was
exactly twice as great as he was willing to pay, spurned the

Political Preferment from his door. Then the People said: "Behold,
this is an honest citizen!" And the Truly Good Man humbly

confessed that it was so.
A Creaking Tail

AN American Statesman who had twisted the tail of the British Lion
until his arms ached was at last rewarded by a sharp, rasping

sound.
"I knew your fortitude would give out after a while," said the

American Statesman, delighted; "your agony attests my political
power."

"Agony I know not!" said the British Lion, yawning; "the swivel in
my tail needs a few drops of oil, that is all."

Wasted Sweets
A CANDIDATE canvassing his district met a Nurse wheeling a Baby in

a carriage, and, stooping, imprinted a kiss upon the Baby's clammy
muzzle. Rising, he saw a Man, who laughed.

"Why do you laugh?" asked the Candidate.
"Because," replied the Man, "the Baby belongs to the Orphan

Asylum."
"But the Nurse," said the Candidate - "the Nurse will surely relate

the touchingincidentwherever she goes, and perhaps write to her
former master."

"The Nurse," said the Man who had laughed, "is an inmate of the
Institution for the Illiterate-Deaf-and-Dumb."

Six and One
THE Committee on Gerrymander worked late, drawingintricate lines

on a map of the State, and being weary sought repose in a game of
poker. At the close of the game the six Republican members were

bankrupt and the single Democrat had all the money. On the next
day, when the Committee was called to order for business, one of

the luckless six mounted his legs, and said:
"Mr. Chairman, before we bend to our noble task of purifying

politics, in the interest of good government I wish to say a word
of the untoward events of last evening. If my memory serves me the

disasters which overtook the Majority of this honourable body
always befell when it was the Minority's deal. It is my solemn

conviction, Mr. Chairman, and to its affirmation I pledge my life,
my fortune, and my sacred honour, that that wicked and unscrupulous

Minority redistricted the cards!"
The Sportsman and the Squirrel

A SPORTSMAN who had wounded a Squirrel, which was making desperate
efforts to drag itself away, ran after it with a stick, exclaiming:

"Poor thing! I will put it out of its misery."
At that moment the Squirrels stopped from exhaustion, and looking

up at its enemy, said:
"I don't venture to doubt the sincerity of your compassion, though

it comes rather late, but you seem to lack the faculty of
observation. Do you not perceive by my actions that the dearest

wish of my heart is to continue in my misery?"
At this exposure of his hypocrisy, the Sportsman was so overcome

with shame and remorse that he would not strike the Squirrel, but
pointing it out to his dog, walked thoughtfully away.

The Fogy and the Sheik
A FOGY who lived in a cave near a great caravan route returned to

his home one day and saw, near by, a great concourse of men and
animals, and in their midst a tower, at the foot of which something

with wheels smoked and panted like an exhausted horse. He sought
the Sheik of the Outfit.

"What sin art thou committing now, O son of a Christian dog?" said
the Fogy, with a truly Oriental politeness.

"Boring for water, you black-and-tan galoot!" replied the Sheik of
the Outfit, with that ready repartee which distinguishes the

Unbeliever.
"Knowest thou not, thou whelp of darkness and father of disordered

livers," cried the Fogy, "that water will cause grass to spring up
here, and trees, and possibly even flowers? Knowest thou not, that

thou art, in truth, producing an oasis?"
"And don't you know," said the Sheik of the Outfit, "that caravans

will then stop here for rest and refreshments, giving you a chance
to steal the camels, the horses, and the goods?"

"May the wild hog defile my grave, but thou speakest wisdom!" the
Fogy replied, with the dignity of his race, extending his hand.

"Sheik."
They shook.

At Heaven's Gate
HAVING arisen from the tomb, a Woman presented herself at the gate

of Heaven, and knocked with a trembling hand.
"Madam," said Saint Peter, rising and approaching the wicket,

"whence do you come?"
"From San Francisco," replied the Woman, with embarrassment, as

great beads of perspiration spangled her spiritual brow.
"Never mind, my good girl," the Saint said, compassionately.

"Eternity is a long time; you can live that down."
"But that, if you please, is not all." The Woman was growing more

and more confused. "I poisoned my husband. I chopped up my
babies. I - "

"Ah," said the Saint, with sudden austerity, "your confession
suggests a very grave possibility. Were you a member of the

Women's Press Association?"
The lady drew herself up and replied with warmth:

"I was not."
The gates of pearl and jasper swung back upon their golden hinges,

making the most ravishing music, and the Saint, stepping aside,
bowed low, saying:

"Enter, then, into thine eternal rest."
But the Woman hesitated.

"The poisoning - the chopping - the - the - " she stammered.
"Of no consequence, I assure you. We are not going to be hard on a

lady who did not belong to the Women's Press Association. Take a
harp."

"But I applied for membership - I was blackballed."
"Take two harps."

The Catted Anarchist
AN Anarchist Orator who had been struck in the face with a Dead Cat

by some Respector of Law to him unknown, had the Dead Cat arrested
and taken before a Magistrate.

"Why do you appeal to the law?" said the Magistrate - "You who go
in for the abolition of law."

"That," replied the Anarchist, who was not without a certain
hardness of head, "that is none of your business; I am not bound to

be consistent. You sit here to do justice between me and this Dead
Cat."

"Very well," said the Magistrate, putting on the black cap and a
solemn look; "as the accused makes no defence, and is undoubtedly

guilty, I sentence her to be eaten by the public executioner; and
as that position happens to be vacant, I appoint you to it, without

bonds."
One of the most delighted spectators at the execution was the

anonymous Respector of Law who had flung the condemned.
The Honourable Member

A MEMBER of a Legislature, who had pledged himself to his
Constituents not to steal, brought home at the end of the session a

large part of the dome of the Capitol. Thereupon the Constituents
held an indignation meeting and passed a resolution of tar and

feathers.
"You are most unjust," said the Member of the Legislature. "It is