property or life.
The Mine Owner and the Jackass

WHILE the Owner of a Silver Mine was on his way to attend a
convention of his species he was accosted by a Jackass, who said:

"By an unjustdiscrimination against quadrupeds I am made
ineligible to a seat in your convention; so I am compelled to seek

representation through you."
"It will give me great pleasure, sir," said the Owner of a Silver

Mine, "to serve one so closely allied to me in - in - well, you
know," he added, with a significantgesture of his two hands upward

from the sides of his head. "What do you want?"
"Oh, nothing - nothing at all for myself individually," replied the

Donkey; "but his country's welfare should be a patriot's supreme
care. If Americans are to retain the sacred liberties for which

their fathers strove, Congress must declare our independence of
European dictation by maintaining the price of mules."

The Dog and the Physician
A DOG that had seen a Physician attending the burial of a wealthy

patient, said: "When do you expect to dig it up?"
"Why should I dig it up?" the Physician asked.

"When I bury a bone," said the Dog, "it is with an intention to
uncover it later and pick it."

"The bones that I bury," said the Physician, "are those that I can
no longer pick."

The Party Manager and the Gentleman
A PARTY Manager said to a Gentleman whom he saw minding his own

business:
"How much will you pay for a nomination to office?"

"Nothing," the Gentleman replied.
"But you will contribute something to the campaign fund to assist

in your election, will you not?" asked the Party Manager, winking.
"Oh, no," said the Gentleman, gravely. "If the people wish me to

work for them, they must hire me without solicitation. I am very
comfortable without office."

"But," urged the Party Manager, "an election is a thing to be
desired. It is a high honour to be a servant of the people."

"If servitude is a high honour," the Gentleman said, "it would be
indecent for me to seek it; and if obtained by my own exertion it

would be no honour."
"Well," persisted the Party Manager, "you will at least, I hope,

indorse the party platform."
The Gentleman replied: "It is improbable that its authors have

accurately expressed my views without consulting me; and if I
indorsed their work without approving it I should be a liar."

"You are a detestable hypocrite and an idiot!" shouted the Party
Manager.

"Even your good opinion of my fitness," replied the Gentleman,
"shall not persuade me."

The Legislator and the Citizen
AN ex-Legislator asked a Most Respectable Citizen for a letter to

the Governor recommending him for appointment as Commissioner of
Shrimps and Crabs.

"Sir," said the Most Respectable Citizen, austerely, "were you not
once in the State Senate?"

"Not so bad as that, sir, I assure you," was the reply. "I was a
member of the Slower House. I was expelled for selling my

influence for money."
"And you dare to ask for mine!" shouted the Most Respectable

Citizen. "You have the impudence? A man who will accept bribes
will probably offer them. Do you mean to - "

"I should not think of making a corrupt proposal to you, sir; but
if I were Commissioner of Shrimps and Crabs, I might have some

influence with the water-front population, and be able to help you
make your fight for Coroner."

"In that case I do not feel justified in denying you the letter."
So he took his pen, and, some demon guiding his hand, he wrote,

greatly to his astonishment:
"Who sells his influence should stop it,

An honest man will only swap it."
The Rainmaker

AN Officer of the Government, with a great outfit of mule-waggons
loaded with balloons, kites, dynamite bombs, and electrical

apparatus, halted in the midst of a desert, where there had been no
rain for ten years, and set up a camp. After several months of

preparation and an expenditure of a million dollars all was in
readiness, and a series of tremendous explosions occurred on the

earth and in the sky. This was followed by a great down-pour of
rain, which washed the unfortunate Officer of the Government and

the outfit off the face of creation and affected the agricultural
heart with joy too deep for utterance. A Newspaper Reporter who

had just arrived escaped by climbing a hill near by, and there he
found the Sole Survivor of the expedition - a mule-driver - down on

his knees behind a mesquite bush, praying with extreme fervour.
"Oh, you can't stop it that way," said the Reporter.

"My fellow-traveller to the bar of God," replied the Sole Survivor,
looking up over his shoulder, "your understanding is in darkness.

I am not stopping this great blessing; under Providence, I am
bringing it."

"That is a pretty good joke," said the Reporter, laughing as well
as he could in the strangling rain - "a mule driver's prayer

answered!"
"Child of levity and scoffing," replied the other; "you err again,

misled by these humble habiliments. I am the Rev. Ezekiel Thrifft,
a minister of the gospel, now in the service of the great

manufacturing firm of Skinn & Sheer. They make balloons, kites,
dynamite bombs, and electrical apparatus."

The Citizen and the Snakes
A PUBLIC-SPIRITED Citizen who had failed miserably in trying to

secure a National political convention for his city suffered
acutely from dejection. While in that frame of mind he leaned

thoughtlessly against a druggist's show-window, wherein were one
hundred and fifty kinds of assorted snakes. The glass breaking,

the reptiles all escaped into the street.
"When you can't do what you wish," said the Public-spirited

Citizen, "it is worth while to do what you can."
Fortune and the Fabulist

A WRITER of Fables was passing through a lonely forest when he met
a Fortune. Greatly alarmed, he tried to climb a tree, but the

Fortune pulled him down and bestowed itself upon him with cruel
persistence.

"Why did you try to run away?" said the Fortune, when his struggles
had ceased and his screams were stilled. "Why do you glare at me

so inhospitably?"
"I don't know what you are," replied the Writer of Fables, deeply

disturbed.
"I am wealth; I am respectability," the Fortune explained; "I am

elegant houses, a yacht, and a clean shirt every day. I am
leisure, I am travel, wine, a shiny hat, and an unshiny coat. I am

enough to eat."
"All right," said the Writer of Fables, in a whisper; "but for

goodness' sake speak lower."
"Why so?" the Fortune asked, in surprise.

"So as not to wake me," replied the Writer of Fables, a holy calm
brooding upon his beautiful face.

A Smiling Idol
AN Idol said to a Missionary, "My friend, why do you seek to bring

me into contempt? If it had not been for me, what would you have
been? Remember thy creator that thy days be long in the land."

"I confess," replied the Missionary, fingering a number of ten-cent
pieces which a Sunday-school in his own country had forwarded to

him, "that I am a product of you, but I protest that you cannot
quote Scripture with accuracy and point. Therefore will I continue