inwention.'
'I forgot,' exclaimed Mr. Ben Allen. 'It is my aunt.'
'Dear me!' said Mr. Pickwick. 'Poor lady! Gently Sam, gently.'
'Strange sitivation for one o' the family,' observed Sam Weller,
hoisting the aunt into a chair. 'Now depitty sawbones, bring out
the wollatilly!'
The latter observation was addressed to the boy in gray, who,
having handed over the fly to the care of the street-keeper, had
come back to see what all the noise was about. Between the boy in
gray, and Mr. Bob Sawyer, and Mr. Benjamin Allen (who having
frightened his aunt into a fainting fit, was
affectionately solicitous
for her recovery) the old lady was at length restored to
consciousness; then Mr. Ben Allen, turning with a puzzled
countenance to Mr. Pickwick, asked him what he was about to say,
when he had been so alarmingly interrupted.
'We are all friends here, I presume?' said Mr. Pickwick,
clearinghis voice, and looking towards the man of few words with the surly
countenance, who drove the fly with the chubby horse.
This reminded Mr. Bob Sawyer that the boy in grey was
looking on, with eyes wide open, and greedy ears. The incipient
chemist having been lifted up by his coat collar, and dropped
outside the door, Bob Sawyer
assured Mr. Pickwick that he might
speak without reserve.
'Your sister, my dear sir,' said Mr. Pickwick, turning to
Benjamin Allen, 'is in London; well and happy.'
'Her happiness is no object to me, sir,' said Benjamin Allen,
with a flourish of the hand.
'Her husband is an object to me, sir,' said Bob Sawyer. 'He shall
be an object to me, sir, at twelve paces, and a pretty object I'll
make of him, sir―a mean-spirited scoundrel!' This, as it stood,
was a very pretty denunciation, and magnanimous
withal; but Mr.
Bob Sawyer rather weakened its effect, by winding up with some
general observations
concerning the punching of heads and
knocking out of eyes, which were
commonplace by comparison.
'Stay, sir,' said Mr. Pickwick; 'before you apply those epithets to
the gentleman in question, consider, dispassionately, the extent of
his fault, and above all remember that he is a friend of mine.'
'What!' said Mr. Bob Sawyer. 'His name!' cried Ben Allen. 'His
name!'
'Mr. Nathaniel Winkle,' said Mr, Pickwick.
Mr. Benjamin Allen
deliberately crushed his spectacles beneath
the heel of his boot, and having picked up the pieces, and put them
into three separate pockets, folded his arms, bit his lips, and
looked in a threatening manner at the bland features of Mr.
Pickwick.
'Then it's you, is it, sir, who have encouraged and brought
about this match?' inquired Mr. Benjamin Allen at length.
'And it's this gentleman's servant, I suppose,' interrupted the
old lady, 'who has been skulking about my house, and
endeavouring to entrap my servants to
conspire against their
mistress.―Martin!'
'Well?' said the surly man, coming forward.
'Is that the young man you saw in the lane, whom you told me
about, this morning?'
Mr. Martin, who, as it has already appeared, was a man of few
words, looked at Sam Weller, nodded his head, and growled forth,
'That's the man.' Mr. Weller, who was never proud, gave a smile of
friendly recognition as his eyes en
countered those of the surly
groom, and admitted in
courteous terms, that he had 'knowed him
afore.'
'And this is the faithful creature,' exclaimed Mr. Ben Allen,
'whom I had nearly suffocated!―Mr. Pickwick, how dare you
allow your fellow to be employed in the abduction of my sister? I
demand that you explain this matter, sir.'
'Explain it, sir!' cried Bob Sawyer fiercely.
'It's a conspiracy,' said Ben Allen.
'A regular plant,' added Mr. Bob Sawyer.
'A
disgraceful imposition,' observed the old lady.
'Nothing but a do,' remarked Martin.
'Pray hear me,' urged Mr. Pickwick, as Mr. Ben Allen fell into a
chair that patients were bled in, and gave way to his pocket-
handkerchief. 'I have rendered no assistance in this matter,
beyond being present at one interview between the young people
which I could not prevent, and from which I conceived my
presence would remove any slight
colouring of impropriety that it
might otherwise have had; this is the whole share I have had in the
transaction, and I had no suspicion that an immediate marriage
was even contemplated. Though, mind,' added Mr. Pickwick,
hastily checking himself―'mind, I do not say I should have
prevented it, if I had known that it was intended.'
'You hear that, all of you; you hear that?' said Mr. Benjamin
Allen.
'I hope they do,'
mildly observed Mr. Pickwick, looking round,
'and,' added that gentleman, his colour mounting as he spoke, 'I
hope they hear this, sir, also. That from what has been stated to
me, sir, I assert that you were by no means justified in attempting
to force your sister's inclinations as you did, and that you should
rather have endeavoured by your kindness and
forbearance to
have supplied the place of other nearer relations whom she had
never known, from a child. As regards my young friend, I must
beg to add, that in every point of
worldly advantage he is, at least,
on an equal
footing with yourself, if not on a much better one, and
that unless I hear this question discussed with becoming temper
and
moderation, I decline
hearing any more said upon the
subject.'
'I wish to make a wery few remarks in addition to wot has been
put for'ard by the honourable gen'l'm'n as has jist give over,' said
Mr. Weller, stepping forth, 'wich is this here: a indiwidual in
company has called me a feller.'
'That has nothing whatever to do with the matter, Sam,'
interposed Mr. Pickwick. 'Pray hold your tongue.'
'I ain't a-goin' to say nothin' on that 'ere pint, sir,' replied Sam,
'but merely this here. P'raps that gen'l'm'n may think as there wos
a priory 'tachment; but there worn't nothin' o' the sort, for the
young lady said in the wery beginnin' o' the keepin' company, that
she couldn't abide him. Nobody's cut him out, and it 'ud ha' been
jist the wery same for him if the young lady had never seen Mr.
Vinkle. That's what I wished to say, sir, and I hope I've now made
that 'ere gen'l'm'n's mind easy.
A short pause followed these consolatory remarks of Mr. Weller.
Then Mr. Ben Allen rising from his chair, protested that he would
never see Arabella's face again; while Mr. Bob Sawyer, despite
Sam's
flatteringassurance, vowed dreadful
vengeance on the
happy
bridegroom.
But, just when matters were at their height, and threatening to
remain so, Mr. Pickwick found a powerful assistant in the old lady,
who, evidently much struck by the mode in which he had
advocated her niece's cause, ventured to approach Mr. Benjamin
Allen with a few comforting reflections, of which the chief were,
that after all, perhaps, it was well it was no worse; the least said
the soonest mended, and upon her word she did not know that it
was so very bad after all; what was over couldn't be begun, and
what couldn't be cured must be endured; with various other
assurances of the like novel and strengthening description. To all
of these, Mr. Benjamin Allen replied that he meant no disrespect
to his aunt, or anybody there, but if it were all the same to them,
and they would allow him to have his own way, he would rather
have the pleasure of hating his sister till death, and after it.
At length, when this
determination had been announced half a
hundred times, the old lady suddenly bridling up and looking very
majestic, wished to know what she had done that no respect was
to be paid to her years or station, and that she should be obliged to
beg and pray, in that way, of her own nephew, whom she
remembered about five-and-twenty years before he was born, and
whom she had known,
personally, when he hadn't a tooth in his
head; to say nothing of her presence on the first occasion of his
having his hair cut, and assistance at numerous other times and
ceremonies during his babyhood, of sufficient importance to found
a claim upon his affection,
obedience, and sympathies, for ever.
While the good lady was bestowing this objurgation on Mr. Ben
Allen, Bob Sawyer and Mr. Pickwick had
retired in close
conversation to the inner room, where Mr. Sawyer was observed
to apply himself several times to the mouth of a black bottle, under
the influence of which, his features gradually assumed a cheerful
and even jovial expression. And at last he emerged from the room,
bottle in hand, and, remarking that he was very sorry to say he
had been making a fool of himself, begged to propose the health
and happiness of Mr. and Mrs. Winkle, whose
felicity, so far from
envying, he would be the first to
congratulate them upon. Hearing
this, Mr. Ben Allen suddenly arose from his chair, and, seizing the
black bottle, drank the toast so
heartily, that, the liquor being
strong, he became nearly as black in the face as the bottle. Finally,
the black bottle went round till it was empty, and there was so
much shaking of hands and interchanging of compliments, that
even the metal-
visaged Mr. Martin condescended to smile.
'And now,' said Bob Sawyer, rubbing his hands, 'we'll have a
jolly night.'
'I am sorry,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'that I must return to my inn. I
have not been accustomed to
fatigue lately, and my journey has
tired me exceedingly.'
'You'll take some tea, Mr. Pickwick?' said the old lady, with
irresistiblesweetness.
'Thank you, I would rather not,' replied that gentleman. The
truth is, that the old lady's evidently increasing admiration was
Mr. Pickwick's principal
inducement for going away. He thought
of Mrs. Bardell; and every glance of the old lady's eyes threw him
into a cold perspiration.
As Mr. Pickwick could by no means be prevailed upon to stay, it
was arranged at once, on his own
proposition, that Mr. Benjamin
Allen should accompany him on his journey to the elder Mr.
Winkle's, and that the coach should be at the door, at nine o'clock
next morning. He then took his leave, and, followed by Samuel
Weller, repaired to the Bush. It is worthy of remark, that Mr.
Martin's face was
horribly convulsed as he shook hands with Sam
at
parting, and that he gave vent to a smile and an oath
simultaneously; from which tokens it has been inferred by those
who were best acquainted with that gentleman's peculiarities, that
he expressed himself much pleased with Mr. Weller's society, and
requested the honour of his further acquaintance.
'Shall I order a private room, sir?' inquired Sam, when they
reached the Bush.
'Why, no, Sam,' replied Mr. Pickwick; 'as I dined in the coffee-
room, and shall go to bed soon, it is hardly worth while. See who
there is in the travellers' room, Sam.'
Mr. Weller
departed on his errand, and presently returned to
say that there was only a gentleman with one eye; and that he and
the landlord were drinking a bowl of bishop together.
'I will join them,' said Mr. Pickwick.
'He's a queer customer, the vun-eyed vun, sir,' observed Mr.
Weller, as he led the way. 'He's a-gammonin' that 'ere landlord, he
is, sir, till he don't
rightly know wether he's a-standing on the soles
of his boots or the crown of his hat.'
The individual to whom this observation referred, was sitting at
the upper end of the room when Mr. Pickwick entered, and was
smoking a large Dutch pipe, with his eye
intently fixed on the
round face of the landlord; a jolly-looking old
personage, to whom
he had recently been relating some tale of wonder, as was testified
by
sundry disjointed exclamations of, 'Well, I wouldn't have
believed it! The strangest thing I ever heard! Couldn't have
supposed it possible!' and other expressions of astonishment
which burst spontaneously from his lips, as he returned the fixed
gaze of the one-eyed man.
'Servant, sir,' said the one-eyed man to Mr. Pickwick. 'Fine
night, sir.'
'Very much so indeed,' replied Mr. Pickwick, as the
waiterplaced a small decanter of
brandy, and some hot water before him.
While Mr. Pickwick was mixing his
brandy-and-water, the one-
eyed man looked round at him
earnestly, from time to time, and at
length said―
'I think I've seen you before.'
'I don't
recollect you,' rejoined Mr. Pickwick.
'I dare say not,' said the one-eyed man. 'You didn't know me,
but I knew two friends of yours that were stopping at the Peacock
at Eatanswill, at the time of the election.'
'Oh, indeed!' exclaimed Mr. Pickwick.
'Yes,' rejoined the one-eyed man. 'I mentioned a little
circumstance to them about a friend of mine of the name of Tom
Smart. Perhaps you've heard them speak of it.'
'Often,' rejoined Mr. Pickwick, smiling. 'He was your uncle, I
think?'
'No, no; only a friend of my uncle's,' replied the one-eyed man.
'He was a wonderful man, that uncle of yours, though,'
remarked the landlord shaking his head.
'Well, I think he was; I think I may say he was,' answered the
one-eyed man. 'I could tell you a story about that same uncle,
gentlemen, that would rather surprise you.'
'Could you?' said Mr. Pickwick. 'Let us hear it, by all means.'
The one-eyed bagman ladled out a glass of negus from the bowl,
and drank it; smoked a long whiff out of the Dutch pipe; and then,
calling to Sam Weller who was lingering near the door, that he
needn't go away unless he wanted to, because the story was no
secret, fixed his eye upon the landlord's, and proceeded, in the
words of the next chapter.
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