appointed time; even he wore a pair of gloves and a clean shirt,



much frayed at the collar and wristbands by frequent washings.



'A quarter to two,' said Pell, looking at the parlour clock. 'If we



are with Mr. Flasher at a quarter past, we shall just hit the best



time.'



'What should you say to a drop o' beer, gen'l'm'n?' suggested



the mottled-faced man. 'And a little bit o' cold beef,' said the



second coachman.



'Or a oyster,' added the third, who was a hoarse gentleman,



supported by very round legs.



'Hear, hear!' said Pell; 'to congratulate Mr. Weller, on his



coming into possession of his property, eh? Ha! ha!'



'I'm quite agreeable, gen'l'm'n,' answered Mr. Weller. 'Sammy,



pull the bell.'



Sammy complied; and the porter, cold beef, and oysters being



promptly produced, the lunch was done ample justice to. Where



everybody took so active a part, it is almost invidious to make a



distinction; but if one individual evinced greater powers than



another, it was the coachman with the hoarse voice, who took an



imperial pint of vinegar with his oysters, without betraying the



least emotion.



'Mr. Pell, sir,' said the elder Mr. Weller, stirring a glass of



brandy-and-water, of which one was placed before every



gentleman when the oyster shells were removed―'Mr. Pell, sir, it



wos my intention to have proposed the funs on this occasion, but



Samivel has vispered to me―'



Here Mr. Samuel Weller, who had silently eaten his oysters



with tranquil smiles, cried, 'Hear!' in a very loud voice.



'―Has vispered to me,' resumed his father, 'that it vould be



better to dewote the liquor to vishin' you success and prosperity,



and thankin' you for the manner in which you've brought this here



business through. Here's your health, sir.'



'Hold hard there,' interposed the mottled-faced gentleman, with



sudden energy; 'your eyes on me, gen'l'm'n!'



Saying this, the mottled-faced gentleman rose, as did the other



gentlemen. The mottled-faced gentleman reviewed the company,



and slowly lifted his hand, upon which every man (including him



of the mottled countenance) drew a long breath, and lifted his



tumbler to his lips. In one instant, the mottled-faced gentleman



depressed his hand again, and every glass was set down empty. It



is impossible to describe the thrilling effect produced by this



striking ceremony. At once dignified, solemn, and impressive, it



combined every element of grandeur.



'Well, gentlemen,' said Mr. Pell, 'all I can say is, that such marks



of confidence must be very gratifying to a professional man. I don't



wish to say anything that might appear egotistical, gentlemen, but



I'm very glad, for your own sakes, that you came to me; that's all. If



you had gone to any low member of the profession, it's my firm



conviction, and I assure you of it as a fact, that you would have



found yourselves in Queer Street before this. I could have wished



my noble friend had been alive to have seen my management of



this case. I don't say it out of pride, but I think―However,



gentlemen, I won't trouble you with that. I'm generally to be found



here, gentlemen, but if I'm not here, or over the way, that's my



address. You'll find my terms very cheap and reasonable, and no



man attends more to his clients than I do, and I hope I know a



little of my profession besides. If you have any opportunity of



recommending me to any of your friends, gentlemen, I shall be



very much obliged to you, and so will they too, when they come to



know me. Your healths, gentlemen.'



With this expression of his feelings, Mr. Solomon Pell laid three



small written cards before Mr. Weller's friends, and, looking at the



clock again, feared it was time to be walking. Upon this hint Mr.



Weller settled the bill, and, issuing forth, the executor, legatee,



attorney, and umpires, directed their steps towards the city.



The office of Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, of the Stock Exchange,



was in a first floor up a court behind the Bank of England; the



house of Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, was at Brixton, Surrey; the



horse and stanhope of Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, were at an



adjacentlivery stable; the groom of Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, was



on his way to the West End to deliver some game; the clerk of



Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, had gone to his dinner; and so Wilkins



Flasher, Esquire, himself, cried, 'Come in,' when Mr. Pell and his



companions knocked at the counting-house door.



'Good-morning, sir,' said Pell, bowing obsequiously. 'We want



to make a little transfer, if you please.'



'Oh, just come in, will you?' said Mr. Flasher. 'Sit down a



minute; I'll attend to you directly.'



'Thank you, sir,' said Pell, 'there's no hurry. Take a chair, Mr.



Weller.'



Mr. Weller took a chair, and Sam took a box, and the umpires



took what they could get, and looked at the almanac and one or two papers which were wafered against the wall, with as much



open-eyed reverence as if they had been the finest efforts of the



old masters.



'Well, I'll bet you half a dozen of claret on it; come!' said Wilkins



Flasher, Esquire, resuming the conversation to which Mr. Pell's



entrance had caused a momentary interruption.



This was addressed to a very smart young gentleman who wore



his hat on his right whisker, and was lounging over the desk,



killing flies with a ruler. Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, was balancing



himself on two legs of an office stool, spearing a wafer-box with a



penknife, which he dropped every now and then with great



dexterity into the very centre of a small red wafer that was stuck



outside. Both gentlemen had very open waistcoats and very rolling



collars, and very small boots, and very big rings, and very little



watches, and very large guard-chains, and symmetrical



inexpressibles, and scented pocket-handkerchiefs.



'I never bet half a dozen!' said the other gentleman. 'I'll take a



dozen.'



'Done, Simmery, done!' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire.



'P. P., mind,' observed the other.



'Of course,' replied Wilkins Flasher, Esquire. Wilkins Flasher,



Esquire, entered it in a little book, with a gold pencil-case, and the



other gentleman entered it also, in another little book with



another gold pencil-case.



'I see there's a notice up this morning about Boffer,' observed



Mr. Simmery. 'Poor devil, he's expelled the house!'



'I'll bet you ten guineas to five, he cuts his throat,' said Wilkins



Flasher, Esquire.



'Done,' replied Mr. Simmery.



'Stop! I bar,' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, thoughtfully.



'Perhaps he may hang himself.'



'Very good,' rejoined Mr. Simmery, pulling out the gold pencil-



case again. 'I've no objection to take you that way. Say, makes



away with himself.'



'Kills himself, in fact,' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire.



'Just so,' replied Mr. Simmery, putting it down. '"Flasher―ten



guineas to five, Boffer kills himself." Within what time shall we



say?'



'A fortnight?' suggested Wilkins Flasher, Esquire.



'Con-found it, no,' rejoined Mr. Simmery, stopping for an



instant to smash a fly with the ruler. 'Say a week.'



'Split the difference,' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire. 'Make it ten



days.'



'Well; ten days,' rejoined Mr. Simmery.



So it was entered down on the little books that Boffer was to kill



himself within ten days, or Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, was to hand



over to Frank Simmery, Esquire, the sum of ten guineas; and that



if Boffer did kill himself within that time, Frank Simmery,



Esquire, would pay to Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, five guineas,



instead.



'I'm very sorry he has failed,' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire.



'Capital dinners he gave.'



'Fine port he had too,' remarked Mr. Simmery. 'We are going to



send our butler to the sale to-morrow, to pick up some of that



sixty-four.'



'The devil you are!' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire. 'My man's



going too. Five guineas my man outbids your man.'



'Done.'



Another entry was made in the little books, with the gold



pencil-cases; and Mr. Simmery, having by this time killed all the



flies and taken all the bets, strolled away to the Stock Exchange to



see what was going forward.



Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, now condescended to receive Mr.



Solomon Pell's instructions, and having filled up some printed



forms, requested the party to follow him to the bank, which they



did: Mr. Weller and his three friends staring at all they beheld in



unbounded astonishment, and Sam encountering everything with



a coolness which nothing could disturb.



Crossing a courtyard which was all noise and bustle, and



passing a couple of porters who seemed dressed to match the red



fire engine which was wheeled away into a corner, they passed



into an office where their business was to be transacted, and



where Pell and Mr. Flasher left them standing for a few moments,



while they went upstairs into the Will Office.



'Wot place is this here?' whispered the mottled-faced



gentleman to the elder Mr. Weller.



'Counsel's Office,' replied the executor in a whisper.



'Wot are them gen'l'men a-settin' behind the counters?' asked



the hoarsecoachman.



'Reduced counsels, I s'pose,' replied Mr. Weller. 'Ain't they the



reduced counsels, Samivel?'



'Wy, you don't suppose the reduced counsels is alive, do you?'



inquired Sam, with some disdain. 'How should I know?' retorted



Mr. We ller; 'I thought they looked wery like it. Wot are they,



then?'



'Clerks,' replied Sam.



'Wot are they all a-eatin' ham sangwidges for?' inquired his



father.



''Cos it's in their dooty, I suppose,' replied Sam, 'it's a part o'



the system; they're alvays a-doin' it here, all day long!' Mr. Weller



and his friends had scarcely had a moment to reflect upon this



singularregulation as connected with the monetary system of the



country, when they were rejoined by Pell and Wilkins Flasher,



Esquire, who led them to a part of the counter above which was a



round blackboard with a large 'W.' on it.



'Wot's that for, sir?' inquired Mr. Weller, directing Pell's



attention to the target in question.



'The first letter of the name of the deceased,' replied Pell.



'I say,' said Mr. Weller, turning round to the umpires, there's



somethin' wrong here. We's our letter―this won't do.'



The referees at once gave it as their decided opinion that the



business could not be legally proceeded with, under the letter W.,



and in all probability it would have stood over for one day at least,



had it not been for the prompt, though, at first sight, undutiful



behaviour of Sam, who, seizing his father by the skirt of the coat,



dragged him to the counter, and pinned him there, until he had



affixed his signature to a couple of instruments; which, from Mr.



Weller's habit of printing, was a work of so much labour and time,



that the officiating clerk peeled and ate three Ribstone pippins



while it was performing.



As the elder Mr. Weller insisted on selling out his portion



forthwith, they proceeded from the bank to the gate of the Stock



Exchange, to which Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, after a short



absence, returned with a cheque on Smith, Payne, & Smith, for



five hundred and thirty pounds; that being the money to which



Mr. Weller, at the market price of the day, was entitled, in



consideration of the balance of the second Mrs. Weller's funded



savings. Sam's two hundred pounds stood transferred to his name,



and Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, having been paid his commission,



dropped the money carelessly into his coat pocket, and lounged



back to his office.



Mr. Weller was at first obstinately determined on cashing the



cheque in nothing but sovereigns; but it being represented by the



umpires that by so doing he must incur the expense of a small



sack to carry them home in, he consented to receive the amount in



five-pound notes.



'My son,' said Mr. Weller, as they came out of the banking-



house―'my son and me has a wery partickler engagement this



arternoon, and I should like to have this here bis'ness settled out



of hand, so let's jest go straight avay someveres, vere ve can hordit



the accounts.'



A quiet room was soon found, and the accounts were produced



and audited. Mr. Pell's bill was taxed by Sam, and some charges



were disallowed by the umpires; but, notwithstanding Mr. Pell's



declaration, accompanied with many solemn asseverations that



they were really too hard upon him, it was by very many degrees



the best professional job he had ever had, and one on which he



boarded, lodged, and washed, for six months afterwards.



The umpires having partaken of a dram, shook hands and



departed, as they had to drive out of town that night. Mr. Solomon



Pell, finding that nothing more was going forward, either in the



eating or drinking way, took a friendly leave, and Sam and his



father were left alone.



'There!' said Mr. Weller, thrusting his pocket-book in his side



pocket. 'Vith the bills for the lease, and that, there's eleven



hundred and eighty pound here. Now, Samivel, my boy, turn the



horses' heads to the George and Wulter!'

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