Every summer for 25 years, Mark Vasu has gotten together for a weekend getaway with old friends from Duke University. The 15 men, who graduated in 1984, gather in the same cabin in Highlands, N.C.

'It's a judgment-free, action-packed, adventure-based weekend,' says Mr. Vasu. 'We go hiking, whitewater rafting, rock climbing, fly-fishing.'

What they don't do is sit around as a group, the way women do, sharing their deepest feelings.

Male friendships like these are absolutelytypical, but don't assume they're inferior to female friendships. 'If we use a women's paradigm for friendship, we're making a mistake,' says Geoffrey Greif, a professor at the University of Maryland's School of Social Work, who has studied how 386 men made, kept and nurtured friendships. Men might not be physically or emotionally expressive, he says, but we derive great support from our friendships.

Researchers say women's friendships are face to face: They talk, cry together, share secrets. Men's friendships are side by side: We play golf. We go to football games.

For several years, I've reported on the friendships women share, first for this column and then for 'The Girls From Ames,' a book about the 40-year friendship of 11 women from Ames, Iowa. And though I envy women's easy intimacy, I also know it wouldn't work for me and my friends.

I've played poker with the same guys every Thursday night for 18 years. We rarely talk about our lives. We talk about cards, betting, bluffing.

I used to say that my poker buddies don't even know my kids' names. But then I wondered if I was exaggerating. So one night I turned to my left at the poker table and casually asked my friend Lance: 'Hey Lance, could you name my children?'

He shrugged, paused to think, then smiled sheepishly. 'I could rename them,' he said.

Dr. Greif isn't surprised by my story. In his poker game, he says, if a man were to reveal that he lost his job or that his wife left him, the other guys would say, 'Gee, dude, that's too bad. Want us to deal you out this hand?'

Since 1978, Mark Leonard has played on a softball team with eight pals he grew up with in East Northport, N.Y. When they get together, they reminisce about shared experiences, like the time they were asked to leave an all-you-can-eat dinner at Beefsteak Charlie's because they had consumed every piece of meat in the restaurant.

'Our conversations deal with the doing of things rather than the feeling of things,' says Mr. Leonard.

In his research, Dr. Greif found that men generally resist high-maintenance relationships, whether with spouses, girlfriends or male pals. When picking friends, 'men don't want someone who is too needy,' he says. A third of the men in his study said they learnedpositive things from female friendships, but 25% had a negativeimpression of women as friends, citing issues such as 'cattiness' and 'too much drama.' And women are more likely than men to hold grudges toward friends, according to Dr. Greif's 2009 book, 'Buddy System.'

Studies show that in their late 20s and 30s, women have a harder time staying in touch with old friends. Those are the years when they're busy starting careers and raising children, so they don't have time to gather for reunions. Money is tighter, too. But around age 40, women start reconnecting. Before the 1990s, researchers assumed this was because they had more time for friendship in their 40s, as their children became self-sufficient. But now researchers consider this middle-aged focus on friendship to be a life stage; as women plan the next chapter of their lives, they turn to friends for guidance and empathy.

Men, meanwhile, tend to build friendships until about age 30, but there's often a falloff after that. Among the reasons: Their friendships are more apt to be hurt by geographical moves and differences in career trajectories. Recent studies, however, are now finding that men in their late 40s are turning to what Dr. Grief calls 'rusted' friends -- longtime pals they knew when they were younger. The Internet is making it easier for them to make contact with one another.

A woman from Wisconsin wrote to me recently to say that she effortlessly shares intimate feelings with her friends. That's in great contrast to her husband. He recently went on a fishing trip to Canada with four longtime friends. And so she wondered: What did they talk about for a whole week? She knew one of the men had problems at work. Another's daughter was getting married. The third man has health problems. Her husband said none of those issues came up. She couldn't believe it.

She told him: 'Two female strangers in a public restroom would share more personal information in five minutes than you guys talked about in a week!'

But again, it's a mistake to judge men's interactions by assuming we need to be like women. Research shows that men often open up about emotional issues to wives, mothers, sisters and platonic female friends. That's partly because they assume male friends will be of little help. It may also be due to fears of seemingeffeminate or gay. But it's also an indication that men compartmentalize their needs; they'd rather turn to male friends to momentarily escape from their problems. The new buzzword is 'bromance.'

Men often have their own quieter ways to show their feelings. Dan Miller, a member of Mr. Leonard's longstanding softball team, had bone cancer as a boy and walked with a crutch. He served as the team manager, Mr. Leonard says, 'but we made sure he got at least one official at-bat each season, so he'd be in the scorebook.'

The guys have fond memories of Dan getting a hit and using his bat as a crutch to make his way to first base. They'd kid him about that -- with great affection -- even after Dan had to have his leg amputated.

Dan died from cancer in 2001 at age 40, and in his final months, his teammates went to Atlanta, where he lived, to reminisce with him about softball and a thousand other memories.

Mr. Leonard says he and his friends all have issues in their lives, and they sometimes acknowledge when they're going through tough times. 'We'll say, 'Yes. We understand. It's really hard. Now let's go play some baseball.' '

Jeffrey Zaslow

• absolutely [´æbsəlu:tli] ad.绝对地；确实 (初中词汇)
• female [´fi:meil] a.女(性)的 n.女人 (初中词汇)
• derive [di´raiv] v.得出；衍生 (初中词汇)
• column [´kɔləm] n.柱；柱状物；纵队 (初中词汇)
• rarely [´reəli] ad.难得；非凡地 (初中词汇)
• research [ri´sə:tʃ] n.&vi.调查；探究；研究 (初中词汇)
• resist [ri´zist] v.抵抗；对抗；抵制 (初中词汇)
• impression [im´preʃən] n.印刷；印象；效果 (初中词汇)
• meanwhile [´mi:n´wail] n.&ad.其间；同时 (初中词汇)
• career [kə´riə] n.经历；生涯；职业 (初中词汇)
• contact [´kɔntækt] n.接触；联系 v.联络 (初中词汇)
• intimate [´intimit] a.亲密的 n.知己 (初中词汇)
• contrast [´kɔntrɑ:st] n.对比 v.使对比(照) (初中词汇)
• emotional [i´məuʃənəl] a.易动感情的；情感的 (初中词汇)
• partly [´pɑ:tli] ad.部分地；不完全地 (初中词汇)
• indication [,indi´keiʃən] n.指示；征兆，迹象 (初中词汇)
• cancer [´kænsə] n.癌；毒瘤 (初中词汇)
• manager [´mænidʒə] n.经理；管理人；干事 (初中词汇)
• affection [ə´fekʃən] n.友爱；慈爱 (初中词汇)
• acknowledge [ək´nɔlidʒ] vt.(公开)承认；感谢 (初中词汇)
• typical [´tipikəl] a.典型的；象征的 (高中词汇)
• inferior [in´fiəriə] n.下级的 n.下级；晚辈 (高中词汇)
• studied [´stʌdid] a.故意的；有计划的 (高中词汇)
• learned [´lə:nid] a.有学问的，博学的 (高中词汇)
• positive [´pɔzətiv] a.确定的 (高中词汇)
• negative [´negətiv] a.否定的 n.否定词 (高中词汇)
• finding [´faindiŋ] n.发现物；判断；结果 (高中词汇)
• crutch [krʌtʃ] n.拐(杖) (高中词汇)
• gotten [´gɔtn] get的过去分词 (四级词汇)
• weekend [´wi:kend, ,wi:k´end] n.周末休假 (四级词汇)
• physically [´fizikəli] ad.按照自然规律 (四级词汇)
• intimacy [´intiməsi] n.亲密；熟悉；秘密 (四级词汇)
• guidance [´gaidəns] n.向导，指导，领导 (四级词汇)
• geographical [dʒi:ə´græfik(ə)l] a.地理(学)的 (四级词汇)
• fishing [´fiʃiŋ] n.钓鱼；捕鱼；渔业 (四级词汇)
• seeming [´si:miŋ] a.表面上的 n.外观 (四级词汇)
• miller [´milə] n.磨坊主；铣床(工) (四级词汇)
• atlanta [ət´læntə] n.亚特兰大 (四级词汇)
• expressive [ik´spresiv] a.有表现力的 (六级词汇)
• middle-aged [´midl´eidʒid] a.中年的 (六级词汇)
• effeminate [i´feminit] a.女人气的；柔弱的 (六级词汇)