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“家长管理培训”对苦于应对孩子难以驾驭行为的家庭十分有帮助

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Forget everything you may have read about coping with children's temper tantrums. Time-outs, sticker charts, television denial -- for many, none of these measures will actually result in long-term behavior change, according to researchers at two academic institutions.


忘了以前看过的那些应付小孩闹脾气的方法吧。耶鲁大学（Yale University）和伦敦国王学院（King's College London）的研究人员表示，对很多人来说，关禁闭、奖惩表、不准看电视这些方法事实上都不会导致长期的行为变化。



Instead, a set of techniques known as 'parent management training' is proving so helpful to families struggling with a child's unmanageable behavior that clinicians in the U.S. and the U.K. are starting to adopt them.


而经过验证，一套名为"家长管理培训"的技巧对苦于应对孩子难以驾驭行为的家庭十分有帮助，美国和英国的临床医师已经开始采用这套方法。



Aimed at teaching parents to encourage sustained behavior change, it was developed in part at parenting research clinics at Yale University and King's College London.


这套方法旨在指导家长鼓励孩子的可持续行为变化，是由耶鲁大学和伦敦国王学院的育儿研究临床中心共同开发的。



Even violent tantrums, or clinging to the point of riding on a parent's leg, can be curbed, researchers say.


研究人员说，即使是激烈的发脾气，或到了骑在家长腿上的地步，也可以得到约束。



These behaviors appear to be partly influenced by genetic factors, studies show, but parents can also inadvertently encourage them -- for example, by paying attention only when the child screams or cries, but not when the child is playing quietly.


研究表明，这些行为似乎一定程度上受到了遗传因素的影响，但家长也会无意识地起到推波助澜的作用，比如只在孩子尖叫或哭闹时会关注到孩子，而在孩子安静玩耍的时候就不关注了。



Simply rewarding good behavior isn't particularly effective, says Alan Kazdin, a Yale psychology professor and head of the Yale Parenting Center. 'Every parent on the planet has tried charts and point programs,' he says. Explaining to a child why you want them to do something, or punishing them with long time-outs, isn't effective either, he says.


耶鲁大学心理学教授、耶鲁育儿研究中心（Yale Parenting Center）主任卡兹丁（Alan Kazdin）说，仅仅褒奖好的行为并不是特别有效。世界上每个家长大概都有尝试过奖惩表的方式。向孩子解释为何你想让他们做某件事，或用长时间关禁闭来惩罚他们，同样也不是有效的方法。



Instead, the training focuses on three components known as the ABCs: the Antecedent, or the environment and events that set the stage for a tantrum or other undesirable action.


这套培训方法重点在于三个要素，简称ABC：第一是前情（Antecedent），也就是引起孩子发脾气或其他令人不快行为的环境及事件。



Then there is the Behavior itself, and how parents can help a child learn new behaviors, in some cases using pretend scenarios.


接着是行为本身（Behavior），以及家长如何能帮助孩子学习新的行为，有时可以使用假设的情境。



The Consequences component involves reinforcing a positivebehavior or discouraging a negative one.


第三个要素是结果（Consequences），即鼓励积极行为或劝阻消极行为。



Although these principles are quite basic, they are challenging, psychologists say. They require both patience and emotionalrestraint from parents, who also must invest time and energy into changing their parenting practices. 'The devil is in the doing of it,' says Stephen Scott, director of the National Academy for Parenting Research at King's College London.


心理学家说，尽管这些原则相当地基础，但却颇具挑战性。它们要求家长有耐心并且克制情绪，还必须花时间和精力来改变自己的育儿行为。伦敦国王学院育儿研究国家科学院（National Academy for Parenting Research）主任斯考特（Stephen Scott）说，最难的在于实践。



The effects can be beneficial for both child and parent. A nine-year study at the Oregon Social Learning Center, a nonprofit research center, looked at single mothers and children with antisocial tendencies -- arguing, hitting, tantrums, extreme unwillingness to cooperate.


这套方法的效果对孩子和家长都有好处。非盈利研究中心俄勒冈社会学习中心（Oregon Social Learning Center）在一项九年研究中，对有反社会倾向的单亲母亲和孩子进行了研究，这些倾向的表现包括为喜欢争论、打人、发脾气并且极不愿意配合。



After the mothers went through a version of the ABCs training, not only did the children's behaviors improve over the long term, but the mothers also exhibited gains in income, occupation and education, according to the study, published last year in the journal Developmental Psychopathology.


研究表明，在这些母亲进行过ABC训练后，不但孩子的行为在长期内有所改善，母亲们也收入、职业和教育方面有所提升。该研究结果发表于去年的《发展精神病理学》期刊（Developmental Psychopathology）上。



One major tenet is to reinforce desired behavior with praise and to ignorenegative behavior. Using an enthusiastic tone of voice, parents should be specific about which behavior they are praising. Say, 'I asked you to pick up that toy and you did it,' rather than, 'You're a good girl,' or 'You make mommy happy.' Parents should also offer a touch, Dr. Kazdin says.


其中一个原则是通过表扬来鼓励好的行为并忽视消极的行为。家长应该用积极的语气具体指出他们表扬的是什么行为。比如应该说"我让你捡起那个玩具，你照做了"，而不是说"真是好孩子"或"你让妈妈很高兴"。卡兹丁博士说，家长还应该配合抚摸动作。



It is useful to point out the desired behavior in other children -- 'See how nicely that boy is playing with others' -- but parents should refrain from adding what he calls the 'caboose' -- a phrase like 'Why can't you do that?'


指出其他孩子的良好行为也很有用，比如说"看那个男孩跟其他人玩得多好"，但家长应避免加上所谓的"废话"，比如"你为什么不能和他一样？"。



Parents are the focus of the ABC techniques, but that doesn't mean they are the cause of tantrums, Dr. Scott says. Parents, though, should model the behavior they want in their child, such as talking respectfully to each other if they want their child to talk nicely to friends.


斯考特博士说，家长是ABC方法的核心，但这并不意味着他们是孩子发脾气的原因。不过，家长应该为自己的孩子树立榜样，比如如果想让孩子友好地跟朋友说话，自己就应该以尊重的态度和孩子讲话。



Recently, a mother and her 5-year-old daughter came to Dr. Scott's London clinic for their third visit to help the girl with severeseparationanxiety and temper tantrums. The immediate goal was to get the daughter to cling less to mom and play more independently.


最近，一位母亲和她5岁的女儿第三次来到斯考特博士在伦敦的诊所，帮助女孩解决严重的分隔焦虑症以及坏脾气。最紧要的目标是让女儿减少对妈妈的依赖，更独立地玩耍。



The mother and daughter played together on the floor with toys, while a therapist behind a mirror coached the mother via a wireless earpiece.


母亲和女儿一起在地板上玩玩具，同时一位治疗师在一面镜子后通过无线耳机指导妈妈该如何去做。



At first, the daughter sat on her mother's lap and didn't want to play. 'I want you to put some distance between you, Mom,' the therapist said. The mother moved her daughter to the floor and shifted a few inches away. 'Touch her, Mom,' the therapist said. 'You want to keep the distance between you but show that you're still there for her.'


起初，女儿坐在妈妈腿上不愿意玩。治疗师说，妈妈，我想让你们有点距离。母亲把女儿放在了地板上，并移开了几步远。治疗师说，妈妈，抚摸她；你想保持距离但表现出你依然在她身边。



When the daughter gave her mother a toy instead of playing with it herself, the therapist told the mother to say, 'You try it.' When the daughter did it, the mother said enthusiastically, 'You're playing with the doll!'


当女儿给了妈妈一个玩具而不是自己玩时，治疗师让妈妈对女儿说，你自己玩试试。当女儿照做时，妈妈兴奋地说，你在和洋娃娃玩！



When the girl sat glumly, the mother was instructed not to coax her into playing, but simply describe what she was doing. 'You're sitting there thinking what do to next,' she said. 'You're still thinking about what to play with next.'


当女孩闷闷不乐地坐下时，治疗师指导妈妈不要哄她去玩，而只是叙述女儿正在做什么。妈妈说，你坐在那里想下一步该做什么；你还在想接下来玩什么。



The therapists commended the mother for not jumping in to play every time her daughter wanted her to. It was an encouraging session, but there was more work to do, the therapists said. The daughter stayed off her mother's lap for most of the 15 minutes.


治疗师指挥妈妈不要在女儿每次想让她和自己玩时就加入。治疗师说，这是令人鼓舞的一个阶段，但还需要再接再厉。女儿在15分钟的大部分时间里都没坐在妈妈腿上。



In some cases, the techniques can seem counterintuitive. A child who screams and breaks household objects when angry may have to be praised first for screaming but not throwing things.


某些情况下，这些技巧看起来好像违反直觉。对于一个在生气时大喊大叫并且扔家里东西的孩子，可能需要先表扬他大喊大叫，而不是批评他乱扔东西。



Parents would teach this by playing a game of let's-pretend-you-have-a-tantrum-but-you-don't-throw-things. Eventually, with practice, the child will learn to express frustration at a normal volume.


家长可以通过玩一个叫"假装你发脾气但没有扔东西"的游戏来教孩子。最终通过练习，孩子会学会用正常音量来表达愤怒。



Often, events leading up to a tantrum are critical to whether the tantrum actually takes place, research shows. Parents can set up good behavior by being firm, but also offering a choice. Say, 'It's time to put on your jacket now. Please choose your red one or green one.'


研究表明，通常情况下，导致发脾气的事件对发脾气是否真正发生至关重要。家长可以通过强硬的态度来塑造好的行为，但也可以通过给出选择的方法。比如说"现在该穿上你的外套了；你可以选红的或者绿的"。



Sometimes, a small change in tone is enough. A family recently showed up at the Yale clinic, desperate for their son to be potty trained. The parents had showed him how to do it, and they had talked about why he should do it. They set up a chart to reward him with points or ice cream. The boy had used the toilet twice in six months but otherwise refused.


有时语调稍稍调整就足够了。最近有一家人来到了耶鲁大学的诊所，父母亲急切地想让他们的儿子习惯用厕所。家长已经教过他如何做，并且解释了为什么应该这样做。他们制定了一个奖惩表，用加分或冰激凌奖励他。男孩在六个月内用了两次厕所，但其他时间都拒绝使用。



The parents needed to get rid of their tone of desperation, Dr. Kazdin says. Instead of begging, they were instructed to say, 'You don't have to go to the toilet. When you're bigger, you'll get it.'


卡兹丁博士说，这两位家长需要去掉急切的语气。他指导他们不要用乞求的语气，而应该说"当然你也不是非得用厕所不可；不过等你长大了你自己就明白了。"



The next day, the child began to use the toilet regularly, Dr. Kazdin recalls, and the parents were stunned. 'There's no magic there,' he says. In this case, the child already knew how to use the toilet. There was just something in the way the parents were setting up the situation that led him to refuse. The child was rebelling.


卡兹丁博士回忆说，第二天孩子就开始经常用厕所了，家长感到很惊讶。他说，这其中并没有什么高深的技巧。在这种情况下，孩子已经知道如何用厕所。只是家长在制造这种情境时有某些东西导致他产生了抵触情绪。这个孩子是在反叛。



It's unclear, Dr. Kazdin says, why certain children and not others respond to parental eagerness and pressure in this way. But the pattern is fairly common at the clinic, he says.


卡兹丁博士说，不清楚为什么某些孩子会以这种方式回应父母的渴望和压力；但在诊所这种行为相当常见。



In clinics for children whose behavioral problems are severe -- which often means they are having trouble in school or carrying out other regular activities -- parents are coached extensively. Clinicians find that even subtle differences in the parents' behaviors can lead to remarkable changes in the child's, Dr. Kazdin says.


在针对有严重行为问题孩子的诊所，家长需要接受大量培训，严重行为通常意味着上学或进行其他经常性的活动有困难。卡兹丁博士说，临床医师们发现，即便父母行为的细微差异都会导致孩子发生显著的变化。



Shirley S. Wang


文章标签:培训  管理培训  
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