STORY

STORY OF THE LARRIKIN AND THE COOK"
ONE of the ne'er do-wells found himself one fine morning without

aught, and the world was straitened upon him and patience failed
him. So he lay down to sleep, and ceased not slumbering till the sun

stang him and the foam came out upon his mouth, whereupon he arose,
and he was penniless and had not even so much as a single dirham.

Presently he arrived at the shop of a cook, who had set his pots and
pans over the fire and washed his saucers and wiped his scales and

swept his shop and sprinkled it. And indeed his fats and oils were
clear and clarified and his spices fragrant, and he himself stood

behind his cooking pots ready to serve customers. So the larrikin,
whose wits had been sharpened by hunger, went in to him and saluting

him, said to him, "Weigh me half a dirham's worth of meat and a
quarter of a dirham's worth of boiled grain, and the like of bread."

So the kitchener weighed it out to him and the good-for-naught entered
the shop, whereupon the man set the food before him and he ate till he

had gobbled up the whole and licked the saucers and sat perplexed,
knowing not how he should do with the cook concerning the price of

that he had eaten, and turning his eyes about upon everything in the
shop.

And as he looked, behold, he caught sight of an earthen pan lying
arsy-versy upon its mouth, so he raised it from the ground and found

under it a horse's tail, freshly cut off and the blood oozing from it,
whereby he knew that the cook adulterated his meat with horseflesh.

When he discovered this default, he rejoiced therein, and washing
his hands, bowed his head and went out. And when the kitchener saw

that he went and gave him naught, he cried out, saying, "Stay, O pest,
O burglar!" So the larrikin stopped and said to him, "Dost thou cry

out upon me and call to me with these words, O comute?" Whereat the
cook was angry, and coming down from the shop, cried: "What meanest

thou by thy speech, O low fellow, thou that devourest meat and
millet and bread and kitchen and goest forth with 'the peace be on

thee!' as it were the thing had not been and down naught for it?"
Quoth the lackpenny, "Thou liest, O accursed son of a cuckold!"

Whereupon the cook cried out, and laying hold of his debtor's
collar, said, "O Moslems, this fellow is my first customer this day,

and he hath eaten my food and given me naught."
So the folk gathered about them and blamed the ne'er-do-well and

said to him, "Give him the price of that which thou hast eaten." Quoth
he, "I gave him a dirham before I entered the shop," and quoth the

cook: "Be everything I sell this day forbidden to me, if he gave me so
much as the name of a coin! By Allah, he gave me naught, but ate my

food and went out and would have made off, without aught said."
Answered the larrikin, "I gave thee a dirham," and he reviled the

kitchener, who returned his abuse, whereupon he dealt him a buffet and
they gripped and grappled and throttled each other. When the folk

saw them fighting, they came up to them and asked them, "What is
this strife between you, and no cause for it?" and the lackpenny

answered, "Ay, by Allah, but there is a cause for it, and the cause
hath a tail!" Whereupon cried the cook: "Yea, by Allah, now thou

mindest me of thyself and thy dirham! Yes, he gave me a dirham, and
but a quarter of the coin is spent. Come back and take the rest of the

price of thy dirham." For he understood what was to do, at the mention
of the tail.

"And I, O my brother," added Abu al-Hasan, "my story hath a cause,
which I will tell thee." The Caliph laughed at his speech and said:

"By Allah, this is none other than a pleasant tale! Tell me thy
story and the cause."

Replied the host: "With love and goodly gree! Know, O my lord,
that my name is Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a and that my father died and

left me abundantwealth, of which I made two parts. One I laid up, and
with the other I betook myself to enjoying the pleasures of friendship

and conviviality and consorting with intimates and boon companions and
the sons of the merchants, nor did I leave one but I caroused with him

and he with me. And I lavished all my money on comrades and good
cheer, till there remained with me naught. Whereupon I betook myself

to the friends and fellow topers upon whom I wasted my wealth, so
perhaps they might provide for my case, but when I visited them and

went round about to them all, I found no vantage in one of them, nor
would any so much as break a bittock of bread in my face. So I wept

for myself, and repairing to my mother, complained to her of my
case. Quoth she: 'Such are friends. An thou have aught, they

frequent thee and devour thee, but an thou have naught, they cast thee
off and chase thee away.' Then I brought out the other half of my

money and bound myself by an oath that I would never more entertain
any save one single night, after which I would never again salute

him nor notice him. Hence my saying to thee: 'Far be it, alas! that
what is past should again come to pass, for I will never again company

with thee after this night."'
When the Commander of the Faithful heard this, he laughed a loud

laugh and said: "By Allah, O my brother, thou art indeed excused in
this matter, now that I know the cause and that the cause hath a tail.

Nevertheless, Inshallah, I will not sever myself from thee." Replied
Abu al-Hasan: "O my guest, did I not say to thee, 'Far be it, alas!

that what is past should again come to pass?' For indeed I will
never again forgather with any!" Then the Caliph rose and the host set

before him a dish of roast goose and a bannock of first bread, and
sitting down, fell to cutting off morsels and morseling the Caliph

therewith. They gave not over eating till they were filled, when Abu
al-Hasan brought basin and ewer and potash and they washed their

hands. Then he lighted three wax candles and three lamps, and
spreading the drinking cloth, brought strained wine, clear, old, and

fragrant, whose scent was as that of virgin musk. He filled the
first cup and saying, "O my boon companion, be ceremony laid aside

between us by thy leave! Thy slave is by thee, may I not be
afflicted with thy loss!" drank if off and filled a second cup,

which he handed to the Caliph with due reverence.
His fashion pleased the Commander of the Faithful, and the

goodliness of his speech, and he said to himself, "By Allah, I will
assuredly requite him for this!" Then Abu al-Hasan filled the cup

again and handed it to the Cahph, reciting these two couplets:
"Had we thy coming known, we would for sacrifice

Have poured thee out heart's blood or blackness of the eyes.
Ay, and we would have spread our bosoms in thy way,

That so thy feet might fare on eyelids, carpet-wise."
When the Caliph heard his verses, he took the cup from his hand and

kissed it and drank it off and returned it to Abu al-Hasan, who made
him an obeisance and filled and drank. Then he filled again, and

kissing the cup thrice, recited these lines:
"Your presence honoreth the base,

And we confess the deed of grace.
An you absent yourself from us,

No freke we find to fill your place."
Then he gave the cup to the Caliph, saying: "Drink it in health

and soundness! It doeth away malady and bringeth remedy and setteth
the runnels of health to flow free." So they ceased not carousing

and conversing till middle night, when the Caliph said to his host, "O
my brother, hast thou in thy heart a concupiscence thou wouldst have

accomplished, or a contingency thou wouldst avert?" Said he: "By
Allah, there is no regret in my heart save that I am not empowered

with bidding and forbidding, so I might manage what is in my mind!"
Quoth the Commander of the Faithful, "By Allah, and again by Allah,